In Da Club

I didn’t want to come here tonight. But my friends all told me that I’d never meet anybody if I never left my house. After paying for the entry fee, I found myself in a sea of dancing people. From the entrance all the way to the bar, this place was packed. I slowly made my way through the crowd, looking for a familiar face to latch on to. There was nobody I recognized. I decided to line up for a drink to kick-start the night. “Might as well get alcohol in my system so I can leave this place earlier,” I thought to myself.

While waiting in line, I observed the club. This place was filled with hot women. Too bad none of them would talk to me. I was a weirdo, according to my friends. They still hung out with me because deep inside, they knew I was a nice person – it just took a while for my personality to surface. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

“Sorry Fei, I can’t make it to the club tonight. Something came up!” said one of them.
“Yeah, me too, sorry to cancel on you last-minute!” said another one.
“What the fuck guys? I’m already here at the club, getting myself a drink, why did you not tell me earlier??”
“Something came up last-minute, I didn’t think you’d be there so early!”
“It’s already past midnight, how am I early?”
“I’ll make it up to you next time, have a good night!”
“Fuck.”

I wasn’t amused. I wasn’t sure if they had purposely abandoned me tonight or they really had other things to do. Since I had already paid the cover charge and it was almost my turn to order a drink, I decided to stay on and finish at least one drink. I ordered a pint of Stella (my favorite) and paid for it. After being told off by the bartender for standing around and blocking the drinks line, I decided to scour the bar for a place to sit.

There were no seats available. “Well done! Looks like I’ll have to finish this drink standing up,” I told myself. It was then I noticed a couple who were done drinking leave their seats to head to the dance floor. I quickly made my way past the crowd of sweaty people towards the recently vacated table.

Just as I was about to place my drink on the table, a girl swooped in from the side and placed her handbag on the table. “Urm, this seat is taken!” she yelled at me over the blaring hip hop music.

“No fucking way, I got here first, you just stole my seat from me!” I replied.

“Nuh uh, I’ve been eyeing the couple for the past half hour, if you think you’re going to take the seat from me, you’re wrong!” she stood in between me and the table, arms crossed in front of her, scowl on her face.

“Feels Bad Man,” I said. I pushed her aside and sat myself down on the seat.

“Pepe Hands,” she replied. “Look, this is my table, and you’re not getting it. I’m in heels and my feet hurt from standing. What’s your excuse?”

“Nobody told you to wear heels man. Anyway, I’m just here for a bit. Let me finish my drink and I’ll let you have the table to yourself.”

“No,” she replied. “I like to sit by myself. I hate talking to strangers.”

“I’m not even asking you to talk to me! For fuck’s sake, just let me finish this drink and I’ll be out of your way!”

She contemplated my request for a moment and reluctantly agreed. “Fine, just finish your drink and leave me the fuck alone.”

So there I sat in silence, slowly sipping my drink and staring at the girl in front of me.

“This is like 2 Girls 1 Cup,” I quipped.

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” she replied.

“Where’s your drink?” I asked her.

“I’ll get it when you’re gone.”

“What if I decide not to leave?”

“You said you would!”

“I could have lied.”

“Stop talking to me.”

“I’ll make you leave.”

“Make me.”

“Fine.”

I took out my phone and showed her the Goatse.cx website. She didn’t flinch. I showed her Tubgirl. She laughed. She loaded up a website on her phone and showed me Meatspin. “Amateur,” I told her.

“Looks like I’ve met my match,” she said as she loaded another website on her phone and showed it to me. BME Pain Olympics. I giggled and looked at her with a sly smile.

I launched my messaging app and typed in a message for her to see: “LET’S GET OUT OF HERE”

She read the message and without any hesitation, she nodded. I took her hand and we walked out of the club together. All brakes were off as soon as we stepped out into the chilly night. She pulled me in close and kissed me hard. I didn’t resist.

“What’s your name?” she asked me.
“Lemon Party,” I replied.
“I’m Blue Waffle,” she laughed.
I gave her another kiss and said, “let’s go eat some special fried rice.”


Writing Prompt from Reddit: You’re at a crowded bar and can’t get a seat, so you concoct a plan to hit on the hottest woman sitting there, hoping she’ll leave in disgust so you can take her seat.

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