Old Homes, Old Faces

It’s been a while since I’ve had a wacky dream, but that changed last night.

I was in my room in my old house (I seem to have a lot dreams which take place in homes I used to stay in – never in my current home), when I heard a familiar voice outside my door. I opened the door and to my surprise, it was my dad. For some reason he had decided to come back to Malaysia.

But the dad in my dream was very different. His face was how I remembered it to be, albeit a lot older, and that was the only part of him I recognized. He had grey crew cut hair (never seen him have that hair style in my life), and his was big and beefy. Like he had been spending the past 5 years in Texas lifting cows and drinking nothing but protein shakes. But that didn’t faze me.

He was holding my mom and she was holding him back like they were never separated. That didn’t faze me.

Instead, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “how come you’re back in the country?”
I remember he was smiling as he replied, but I don’t remember what he said – or anything after that (such is the fleeting nature of dreams, someone NEEDS to come up with a dream recorder dammit).

Anyway, I woke up feeling really weird. I know dreams don’t mean anything, but I thought it was interesting enough to share.

So you fought an honest battle, but this was meant to be.

(this post was started on March 20th)
Here I sit in my room, barely awake from a dream I had last night which was one of the oddest experiences ever. I was at a company dinner, it wasn’t mine, I can’t recall who now, but there were ang pows given out, and I picked the one with a hundred bucks. Then later I ended up at some Inspidea company dinner as well, and won another hundred bucks from a lucky draw. I felt pretty happy that night, winning 200 bucks. Other events included me jumping into a swimming pool while dressed up in formal wear. It’s just amazing what dreams are made of. And when you think about how dreams are based on life, it makes you appreciate how wonderful life is. Life is brilliant, it’s amazing in fact. We should spend every waking moment doing what we want to do. But instead, most of the time we just spend it talking, planning, thinking about things, and not seizing the day by the balls and going all out; putting words into action and plans into motion.

I feel that’s what I’ve been doing a lot recently. Here’s the list of things that I said I’d do, but haven’t done yet: my comic, the artwork for my EP, a redesign of this website, sketches to upload to deviant art, pen lyrics for new 2storeyheart and The Wishing songs, finish reading my books, finish my work on time, and that’s only some of the things I can accomplish at home. There’s still stuff to do in the rest of the world. I’m already 25, and there’s a lot I haven’t done.

(resumed March 28th)
What is the point of going for something when you’re uncertain of the future? Do you do things to try and change things into your favor, or do you give up knowing your efforts will go to waste? Do you accept what you’ve been given? Or do you strive to defy all odds? What if no matter what you do, it won’t ever work out the way you want it to be? What if no matter what you do, it works out right, all the time? When do you know to continue chasing something that’s flown away? Does the man who takes his one last breath of air before he jumps into a pool of sharks think about whether he’s going to die from shark attacks or from drowning? How about the pirate with the pistol that pushed you off the plank? Maybe he thinks about the pirate shooting him. Or that giant octopus lurking somewhere?

Is a man idealistic if he jumps into a pool of sharks, and expects to not get bitten, and be rescued by some mermaid or Aquaman passing by? Or maybe saved from above by an angel swooping down from the heavens? How about what about all the water in the sea suddenly drying up leaving the shark to flounder around uselessly? What if the man yells at the sharks, “Hey, I love you sharks! Therefore, you should love me back! All my life I’ve been nice to you, I take care of you, I feed you, I study you, hell I even named my first kid after you guys! Do you know what I mean? Do you? Do you? And you’re just gonna rip my throat out like I’m some any other guy swimming in the ocean, can’t you tell?”

Imagine he did that, and the sharks agree not to kill him, and crown him as king of sharks and they let him be. But then, a Pit bull swims into the middle of the ocean and mauls him to death.

Set Your Dreams/ Live Your Goals

Why do people say ‘live your dreams’ when sometimes dreams are so easily achieved or stupid?

Like the other night I dreamt that I drove a car into a bunch of cops sitting on a table at a mamak. I see it all the time (cops at mamaks), and I could easily ‘live my dream’ if I wanted to. Would doing so give me a sense of accomplishment? Maybe. But it would definitely give me a life time in jail or a death sentence. Either way, it’s not something you want to do.

Half the time dreams don’t make sense.

Like a few years ago, I had this dream of being kidnapped by a hot girl and we were making out in the backseat of her car while I was tied up. I mean, sure that was hot as hell but how do I get myself kidnapped? Let alone by a hot girl?! I’m of no value (at least in the monetary sense) so nobody would benefit from kidnapping me. Maybe that dream meant that I should work hard until I become rich enough (or of some value) to be kidnapped. I guess one could interpret it in that way.

What if someone dreamt about murdering their parents? And they did it. Would they say ‘my dream came true!’ ‘I lived the dream!’

So in this fucked up world where everybody takes things to literally, I think the right word should be ‘live your goals’. Unless your goal is to become a serial killer.