The finality of death.

Yesterday, the empty spot next to my grandma’s urn was filled with my grandpa’s. It sucks that he’s no longer around, but I believe it’s better than living tethered to a bed.

Thank you for all the trips to the cinema to watch Jacky Chan movies. Thank you for buying those tapes of Mind Your Language (I think it was Mind Your Language, I’m not 100% sure) so we could enjoy learning English together.

Thank you for all the trips to Genting Highlands, I hope you weren’t too scared when I was behind the wheel for one of the drives. That C Class was a blast to drive. The first time I saw a car phone was in your old ass Mercedes. I wanted to press the buttons but was told not to fuck around with it.

There was one time, we were coming down from Genting and I couldn’t hold my pee in. I remember grandma had to hold a bottle for me to pee in because you didn’t want to stop the car, or there wasn’t a stop nearby – I forgot. All I gotta say is that was one messy trip. Sorry, grandma.

Grandpa’s death reminded me of two stories. One – from a motivational speaker who was saying that everything in life is neutral – it is up to you to place a value onto it. He gave an example about the death of a loved one. It isn’t inherently bad or good – you decide what it means to you. It can be negative in the sense that you’ll miss that person, or in some cases their debts/problems get pushed to you. It can be positive because they no longer have to suffer, and it brings families together. Especially if they don’t meet up very often. This time, I experienced the latter. It was nice catching up. I still don’t agree with trying to convert attendees during a wake, but hey – it wasn’t my say as I didn’t organize it. Also, what’s the point of eternal life? Stay classy, Christians.

The second story was more of a joke/”psychological test” that I heard many years ago about why someone would murder their own family member to go to a funeral again. I wasn’t planning to kill anyone, it was just one of the things that popped into my mind.


I’ve been to way too many funerals recently (they’re not enjoyable even though they contain the word ‘fun’) – hopefully this will be the last post on the topic for a while.

Rest in peace, grandpa.

School for Adults

It’s that time of the year again – where almost every working adult has to allocate time and resources working out how much money they owe to the government for the past year. For the past few years it has been pretty routine for me – doing the same thing I have been doing for the past few years. This year, it’s different. I’m now a contract worker – not part of a full-time workforce (even though my work pretty much takes up all of my time, so it’s like a full-time job without the benefits of a full-time job). So, the taxing process is a bit different. I have to fill in another form (I’m technically working for my own company) – something I haven’t done before. And because I don’t know who to ask for help, I’m figuring stuff out on my own. If I do get in trouble for fraud or mistakes in my tax application, do know it’s because of my ignorance/stupidity not because I’m trying to fuck with the system.

Which reminds me of the first time I ever had to file my taxes. I found the whole process so cumbersome and counter-intuitive. I had people to help me out with it back then, so I managed to figure it out in the end. But now I’m back at step one again, filling out a different form. Back then, I remembered thinking to myself – how come there’s nobody teaching these life skills in school? School and college (AKA daycare) didn’t prepare me for this. In fact, nothing did. I had to learn everything through trial and error.

Then I thought about why wasn’t it taught in school? Was it not relevant to most of the kids who would be growing up? My mind wandered on, and I realized that there were plenty of skills that you need as an adult to survive in today’s world but nobody ever told you what they were. You’d need to figure them out on your own. I guess that’s what makes life interesting – the wealth of new scenarios you’re yet to experience. But for some folks who want the shortcuts and cliff notes, there could be something to help them. Then I realized, there should be a school for adults.

I’m not sure if the demand is there rightaway to start a brand new school, but it could begin as classes/supplementary courses in colleges, universities and offices. If it gained enough traction, it could expand to dedicated centers around the city and eventually country.

We’d teach people the basics of being an adult: how to file taxes, what to look for when buying a home or secondhand car, applying for loans, what to do in the event of a car accident, how to read body language, how to handle interviews, how to write a CV/resume, how to dress up for different occasions, the importance of dressing well, grooming, how to cook, what to do when your wallet is stolen, how to handle a pregnancy, basics of raising a child, handling breakups and divorces, and so on. We’d start with the most important things, but the number of topics relevant to being an adult can go on forever!

It should be only a few days long at max – because adults don’t have much time for anything else. And it could also be something they wouldn’t have to take leave from work to attend. It should also be affordable – since we’re not teaching rocket science, we don’t need to hire professors to educate.

It’s unlikely I’ll start my school for adults in the future, but if anybody decides to run with the idea, feel free to credit me. Or not. In the meantime, I’ll go back to figuring out how to fill up my e-B form.

A Window Into the Soul

When you don’t write constantly, you lose the drive to keep writing – at least that’s what I’ve found.

Which is probably why I play so much Dota 2 – because I keep playing it. I recently finished the space opera Mass Effect, man that was a good game. I finally understand the all the hype surrounding it when it came out. I’m definitely going to play part 2 and 3 eventually. It’s about time I play these classic games while they still run on modern systems. For those of you who haven’t played it yet – it’s like KOTOR but with real-time combat. If you’re a fan, you should check it out. I highly recommend it.

I didn’t do much this Chinese new year – but that’s okay. I think red packets will be replaced by NFC or some other cashless technology in the future. Saves time putting money into red packets, and then removing them when CNY is over. Plus you can easily adjust the amount of money you give to different people, and you could probably do some chargebacks if you regret giving money to some people. Also, you don’t have to worry about getting mugged when you’re carrying all those bank notes in your bag. Muggers are real.

Lost some money gambling, again I’m more of a gamble to be social than gamble to make money kind of guy, so that’s alright.

In terms of personal projects, I’m happy that I’ve managed to record a couple of demos recently, and I’ve been keeping up with my 1 show/month target. Animal Bus has been progressing – not as quick as I’d like, but at least it’s getting somewhere.

Other than that – I made some mods to one of my keyboards recently – the KBDFans HHKB Tofu. I got some holes cut in its sides and spray painted the case purple. Photos on my Instagram.

Oh, I survived a hungry escalator the other day with my foot intact. My super comfortable Miniso flip flops now have a chunk near the top removed. Nothing happened to me, I kicked off my flip flops just in time. I can’t say I wasn’t worried at all, but I knew my foot wasn’t going to get caught. I guess you could say fortunately I wasn’t wearing sandals or shoes. Since that day, I’ve been a bit more careful when using escalators.

Lastly, I set off for Austin, Texas next week. Am really looking forward to it. Barbecue, Dr. Pepper and my sister are waiting for me. Can’t wait.

I’m going to try to get back into the groove of blogging more often. I think it would help me with my work as well. It feels good releasing a stream of thoughts onto a page. Having a nice keyboard to type them out with also helps. And if I don’t blog, how are people who don’t talk to me often going to know about what’s going on in my life?

These posts are like a window into my life – or soul, if I’m being melodramatic.

Thank you very much for reading. <3

Happy New Year, Gig #117

One year ago, I started the journey to clean my room, and one year later – I’m not done. But that’s okay. It’s something I’ll have to eventually get around to, if not my room will turn into a location for a new season of Hoarders. What makes cleaning up your room such a difficult thing to do? I guess I’m just lazy. And I don’t feel like it’s worth enough of my time. I’d rather spend it doing fun stuff and goofing around. Crazy huh?

Writing about it now makes me feel like I need to change my attitude towards having a clutter-free room. There are many cases for having a clean room, and nothing against it. There is no reason why you should have a messy room. I guess it’s more the part of me who likes to hold on to old, useless trash instead of giving it up.

I’ve got tons of stuff in boxes, untouched since the day I moved in to my current home. I haven’t looked at them for the past 10(?) years – there’s no reason to think that I would look at them in the next 10 years. Time for them to go. Stuff for other people to make use of, or even the trash. There’s really no reason for me to hold onto so many things.

Clean room means a healthier environment, which is great. Less stress – since you don’t come home to a messy room, you won’t have to worry about having to pick things up. It also means more storage for me to keep other things in the future. Having a clean room is a benefit, so I shall keep that in mind as I continue clearing out stuff this week.

Happy New Year to everybody, maybe I’ll spend more time updating this blog this year. Once a week feels a bit too little. We’ll see.

In other news, I’ve got my first gig of the year happening this Thursday – at where else, but the KL Journal Poolside Open Mic? Feel free to drop by for some cool tunes and cool beer.

Poolside Open Mic #71 ft. Ash [Facebook Event Page]

Time: 8 PM – 10:30 PM
Date: 10th January 2019
Venue: KL Journal Hotel [Google Maps]

The Poolside Open Mic is our 3rd longest running open mic night which happens every Thursday evening right on TOP of The KL Journal! Each installation features one of our finest musicians, with this one featuring…

***ASH***

Armed with just a guitar and her soothing voice, and her eclectic blend of soul, RnB and bossa nova, Ash is a KL-based singer-songwriter who has just begun her journey into the performing arts. Often spotted at indie haunts such as The Bee, The KL Journal, Merdekarya and PLOY, she uses the stage to sing stories of her personal experiences with a subtle mix of melancholy and sensuality complimented with her delicate guitar playing style. With a decent repertoire of originals and covers under her belt so far, expect to see more of her in the near future as her journey has just begun.

Follow her: https://www.instagram.com/ashneese/

***OPEN MIC***

#1 2storeyheart
#2 Sia Nicholas
#3 Wasif Hyder
#4 Raymond
#5 Adz King
#6 Juan
#7 Nero
#8 Amr Mohsen

To sign up for the open mic, email us@openmicmalaysia.org 😀

~

Open Mic Malaysia is the brainchild of Shaneil Devaser, frontman of The Endleaves. Established in 2012 and currently operating in the Klang Valley, Kota Kinabalu and Johor Bahru, Open Mic Malaysia aims to create sustainable avenues for bedroom musicians, singer-songwriters and professional musicians to share their music and experiences with each other and the public, over evenings of wholesome indie goodness. In partnership with other like-minded musicians from across the country, Open Mic Malaysia aims to… Make Malaysia Great (for indie music) Again.

An Ear Full of Wax

Last Friday, I woke up in the morning with my right ear muted. I had no idea what caused it – I only know that there was something wrong with it. Sound was really soft in that ear. I initially thought that it would go away after a few hours, but nothing changed. In the afternoon, I visited a doctor who had a look inside my ear and told me that it was blocked with wax. Strange. Especially since my left ear was clear, and I had been cleaning both the same way ever since I was young (using cotton buds).

He recommended that I visit the pharmacy to pick up some drugs to soften the ear wax in the ear so that it can be washed out. I listened to his advice, so on Friday night, the whole of Saturday and Sunday, I kept using the ear wax softener. Unfortunately, it didn’t help. There were occasions when yawning would bring temporary relief to my right ear, but a few seconds later, it was back to being muted.

I was getting really annoyed by it, so when Monday came around and it wasn’t any better than it was on Friday, I decided to pay an ENT doctor a visit. He plopped me down onto a chair after I explained the situation, and he turned on a monitor in front of me. First he stuck this microscope into my left ear to see if it was fine – it was. Perfectly clean. No traces of wax stuck inside my ear hole. At this point, I was thinking to myself – what if there was nothing in my right ear hole and it was just damaged? Would I have to spend the rest of my life being deaf in one ear?

Boy, was I relieved when he plugged the camera into my right ear to show me what he suspected it would be. And boy, was it disgusting. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the inside of your own ears before – for me, it was an eye-opening experience. I wouldn’t recommend you google it but I won’t stop you if you want to.

The doctor told me that my right ear hole was clogged, so he used a tiny vacuum to suck the wax out of my ear. It didn’t hurt, but man the sound was loud, and the feeling of the vacuum pulling the wax off the walls of the ear hole felt very uncomfortable.

After the whole ordeal was over (I think it took less than five minutes – shorter than the amount of time I had to wait to register at the front desk), it wasn’t clear that my hearing was back to normal. I had been so used to the muted right ear for the past three days that I think my brain just ignored whatever sound that was picked up by my right ear.

What a way to end the year (with another visit to the hospital). Heh. Since that day, I’ve decided to change my ear cleaning methods – no more cotton buds for me. Using your towel to wipe the outside of your ears after showering is good enough, apparently. So that’s what I’ll be doing from now on. Hopefully I’ll never have to experience a blocked ear again.

WordPress 5.0, Year Recap, Gig #116

Since WordPress recently upgraded to version 5.0 I thought I’d give the new editor a shot and I’m pretty impressed. It’s one of the best looking WYSIWYG editors I’ve used in a while. Previously, I had been typing out my blog posts using the text only editor and they replaced it with this one by default. While I’m not too ambitious when it comes to the layout of my blog posts (let’s be honest, it’s just text, the rare photograph, and more text) so I don’t think I’ll be doing anything fancy now but who knows – maybe I’ll be a bit more creative in the future.

We’re 11 days into December – the best month of the year (just because), and we’re getting close to the end of the year. Not that it matters. Let’s see how I did this year in terms of achieving my goals.

From my post I wrote in January:

What I intend to do this year:
– finish my first game
– record songs that incorporate keyboards in some way
– play more sports
– learn to play a Dance Gavin Dance song

The End of a Season

I didn’t finish my first game. However, I did take steps towards it: I’ve planned out my first game on paper. Now all I need to do is execute it. So, fail.

I didn’t record any songs that incorporate keyboards but I did record songs that used virtual drums and electric guitar – something that I didn’t do before. I guess I still failed, since the whole point of recording something with a keyboard meant that I had to learn a new instrument.

Play more sports – I did pick up cycling after getting a bicycle about a month ago (I guess I could write a post about it) but it’s not really considered a sport. I did try playing more CS:GO, does esport count? Nah, I failed in that aspect.

I didn’t manage to learn a Dance Gavin Dance song but I did write a DGD-inspired song and I learned the intro riff to Cocky by Tilian. I guess I failed that too.

Woot, a 100% on failure. Can’t say I didn’t try.

What did I do that’s worth talking about this year then?

I started a new job in a new industry, doing new things. That’s pretty rad I think. I’m also glad that I’m fitting in and able to deliver my work. Sure, it’s something that every working adult is expected to do but I’m happy that I found a job that fits me like a glove.

I got back into gigging after a hiatus last year, and I’ve been consistently playing at least one show a month. It’s great to be back – I missed the stage.

I started work on my first comic. It’s been a slow and gradual process, but Animal Bus is finally seeing the light of day. Over the past few months I’ve been drawing pages of the comic and while I’m nowhere close to launch (I intend to finish about 5 chapters before putting it online so I have a buffer for the next chapter), I’m happy with the progress I’m making.

I did manage to write a few new songs this year, am close to finishing another one and have enough material to record a second EP.  Whether or not I’ll do it is left to be decided, but I’ll be playing them at my shows.

I’ve managed to finish a few games from my Steam library – a huge feat considering the amount of time I spent playing Dota 2. I also attended the KL Major, which was great because Virtus Pro won. Hopefully I’ll be able to attend TI 2019 in China. That would be awesome.

I tried and failed growing a beard, but at least now I don’t have to wonder anymore about the effects of Minoxidil on my face.

What’s in store for 2019? I don’t even know myself. Probably the same goals, just that this time I’ll put more effort into carrying them out. We’ll see. In the meantime, do drop by the Poolside Open mic on Thursday for some chill beer and tunes.

Poolside Open Mic #68 ft. Armand Tanzarian [Facebook Event Page]

Time: 8 PM – 10:30 PM
Date: 13th December 2018
Venue: KL Journal Hotel [Google Maps]


The Poolside Open Mic is our 3rd longest running open mic night which happens every Thursday evening right on TOP of The KL Journal! Each installation features one of our finest musicians, with this one featuring…

***ARMAND TANZARIAN***

After a haitus as a failed international man of mystery, the busiest man on stage Armand Tanzarian returns with new and old songs. Using a guitar, a loop pedal and occasional woodwinds to build an epic wall of sound, Armand Tanzarian creates soundscapes and stories that wrap around the listener like a warm hug, and transport the listener to some place faraway.

Follow him: https://www.instagram.com/armandtanzarianmusic/

***OPEN MIC***

#* Rafiq & Izat
#1 Wasif Hyder
#2 Rachel Schlossman
#3 RUFUS
#4 2storeyheart
#5 Fathee
#6 Amr Mohsen

To sign up for the open mic, email us@openmicmalaysia.org 😀

~

Open Mic Malaysia is the brainchild of Shaneil Devaser, frontman of The Endleaves. Established in 2012 and currently operating in the Klang Valley, Kota Kinabalu and Johor Bahru, Open Mic Malaysia aims to create sustainable avenues for bedroom musicians, singer-songwriters and professional musicians to share their music and experiences with each other and the public, over evenings of wholesome indie goodness. In partnership with other like-minded musicians from across the country, Open Mic Malaysia aims to… Make Malaysia Great (for indie music) Again.

Senior Dog

When you hear ‘seven years’, you think that’s ages away. It’s not so soon. I have plenty of time until then. But earlier this week, I realized that seven years can fly by so quickly.

Earlier this week, my mom noticed that our dog was limping when she ran. One of her legs was raised and bent, like she was doing some sort of weird hop. Something I had never noticed her doing in the past, so it was news to me. Straightaway, I assumed that she was injured and brought her to the vet. The vet asked me – how old is she? while he examined the leg she didn’t run properly with.

I told him, over seven years.
He nodded, my answer confirming his suspicion.
She was considered an old dog, and joint issues are a common thing for dogs her age. It was something that never occurred to me – that my dog would be old one day.

The vet recommended I start giving her some glucosamine, which will hopefully alleviate the limping. Old people dog problems.

The label on the bottle of pills I bought for her said – for senior dogs – aged seven and above. It’s as though they knew.


I still remember the first day we brought her home. Snuggles was a feisty puppy, biting my finger before she got into the car. She was so tiny back then, I could easily carry her with one hand. She used to sleep in a laundry basket that we lined with a blanket.

She was a very quiet puppy. Hardly anything would make her bark back then. Now that she’s older, she barks a lot more – which is something I found out after doing a Google search – some dogs do bark more when they’re older. They also have trouble controlling their bladders.

All this just made me realize how old Snuggles is. While she still has many more years to live, I’m afraid it’ll all just pass by in the blink of an eye.

I should stop googling so much. It’s making me more upset 🙁

Diamonds In My Chain Gold

Random thought post? Sure. I haven’t done one of these in a while.

It’s interesting watching how my nephews are growing up. I’m happy that the elder one is generally obedient and very patient with his younger brother. I don’t know why, patience is one of those traits you don’t see in every kid. Hopefully his younger brother will follow in his footsteps. He’s definitely not patient right now. However, they are both extremely loving and caring towards their younger sister, so that’s a good sign. Crankiness seems to be a common factor if you try engaging with them after they wake up. They need a couple of hours to warm up it seems.

Today’s kids are the TV – or screen – generation. At least based on my observation. Not that there’s anything wrong, it’s just how times have evolved. Like back in my days, it was action figures and army men. TV only became a hobby much later in life. Nowadays, we have access to so many more displays – everywhere we go we either have a TV, smartphone, tablet or laptop. Back then, all we had was the living room TV and the shared family computer. Even I’m a TV kid now – these days I fall asleep watching Twitch streams or YouTube videos, and it’s all by my own volition. I bring my phone into the toilet to Reddit while I take a shit. I listen to podcasts from my phone while I’m driving. I read articles or watch videos while eating if I’m by myself.

Now that I own a smartwatch, I can’t imagine spending money on a non-smart one. It’s crazy. A few years ago I would’ve said that was a ridiculous thought. Then again, it’s not like I was much of a watch person to begin with. But now that I’ve experienced life with one, I don’t think I could resort to regular watches. My phone already tells the time, why would I need something that only does the same thing? Also, the fact that I can change my watch face to match whatever I’m wearing (not that I do it very often) means I have a watch to suit every occasion.

Even with access to every kind of music imaginable, these days I still find myself going back to the same old artists – Post Malone, Joji, Rich Brian, Higher Brothers, Dance Gavin Dance, Emery and Tilian are my jam right now. I guess I’m a creature of habit. Every time I hear songs from them played in random locations like cafes and clubs, it puts a smile on my face. I get so hyped for no reason. I used to feel the same way back then when there wasn’t internet streaming music. It’s amazing how the way I react hasn’t changed.

Vaping is more enjoyable when you have a good coil and good juice. It can definitely replace cigarettes. Not that I’ve been looking to do that – it’s just something I noticed. Snus are still great. I make sure I have some with me all the time.

I think I am easily influenced – at least by people I like. I don’t think I’m a trendsetter. Not that it matters, but quite a number of things I’m into now are directly because of my friends.

Dabbing for photographs is very cringeworthy.

Unironically, I’m a Pewdiepie fan. I enjoy watching his videos. He deserves his success.

Better Call Saul’s next season can’t come soon enough. I’ll have to settle for Riverdale in the meantime.

Having a beard hides your double chin. Then again, maybe I should work on losing weight instead. I have been watching my diet again though. Went for a health check up the other day and was told by the doctor that my BMI was a bit high. Fair enough, I thought, since I had let my diet loose for a while.

My laptop is still under repair, which kinda sucks. On the bright side, I still have been able to complete my work using a tablet – great because it takes a lot of weight off my shoulders when I walk around with my backpack. Typing on the screen is still terrible but I’ve got some great portable keyboards which rectifies this issue. Battery life on this tablet is also insane – I love how I don’t have to worry about keeping it charged.

Animal Bus is officially in the works. Stay tuned for updates 🙂

1500 kilograms of Rolling Metal

Today, as I was watering my plant (is it singular even though there are many stems in a single pot?) after not being home for the past day, I thought to myself, “man, this plant has no choice over whether it lives or dies.” I felt the power in my hand as I clutched the trigger of my spray bottle. The plant is only alive because I decided that it should remain that way. How often are you in that sort of situation? Maybe we need licenses to be plant owners. Pet owners too. That way, not everybody can own and mistreat pets. Only those with licenses. Make the fee to obtain a license high, requiring many hours of practice before they can do the difficult exam.

Because if there’s one thing in the world that we have too many of – it’s shitty drivers on the road. I think it’s currently too easy to obtain a driver’s license. When probably half (*sources needed) the drivers in KL have bribed their way through the exam (I’m proud to say that I’m not one of those people), you know that being on the road is not the safest place to be. If you think about it, being behind the wheel is a huge responsibility.

You are in control of a fast-moving hunk of metal that is strong enough to kill almost any living being if you hit them in the right place. That’s a lot of power for someone to have – especially when you’re not even 18. There are many lives to worry about – your own, your passengers (if you have any), and everyone else who isn’t in your car (whether they’re pedestrians or riding in other vehicles). Just one car is capable of killing so many people.


When I was younger, I remember being in the car with my uncle and siblings. We were traveling on a highway (I think it was to church). I was lost in a book or listening to the radio, when my uncle’s voice made me look up. It was something along the lines of ‘oh my god’. I was worried, I thought we were going to get into an accident. There was nothing in front of us, but I saw him looking at the car’s rear-view mirror. He stopped the car by the side of the road and told us what happened.

Apparently, we had driven past a pregnant woman who was trying to cross a busy highway. My uncle had kept an eye on her through the rear-view mirror but when we had driven quite a distance away, he saw the lady being flung in the air after getting hit by a car. She didn’t manage to make it to the other side. Which was why he pulled over at the side of the highway. We all bowed our heads in prayer as he said one for the lady. I don’t know if she or her child made it, or if the driver was harmed. It was shocking at that time, but I never thought much about it after that.


A few days ago, I had a friend fall asleep at the wheel – fortunately he’s still alive and well. Nobody was killed. Funny thing was, I told him about the importance of sleep (especially if you’re a doctor working long shifts – highly specific, I know – but I learned a lot listening to an episode of the Joe Rogan podcast).

Doesn’t really have anything to do with my blog post – but it was about driving, so I figured I’d throw it in before I forgot it. Listen to the Joe Rogan experience – it’s one of my favorite podcasts now. I don’t listen to every single episode – just the ones with guests that I think would interest me and I haven’t been let down so far.

I Don’t Wanna Go to Jail

The other day I read something interesting: When you remember a past event, you’re actually remembering the last time you remembered it, not the event itself. I don’t know if it’s common knowledge but it has been explored in one of my favorite movies of all time – Memento. Anyway, reading about it depressed me a bit. It means unless you have photographic memory, each time you try to remember something in the past, you start to lose pieces of it. Details will change, events will change, feelings will change, and eventually the memory will be drastically different from what it once was. It sucks, but that’s how our brain works. It’s one of the reasons why I like writing down my thoughts whenever they pop into my mind. I know they won’t be the same if I think about them again in the future – how I felt, what I was thinking about etc will all be different after a few days or weeks. If I’m in front of the computer, I try to blog them, if I’m out and about, I make little notes on my phone to write about them later. In addition to thoughts, one of the things I like recording are my dreams. Which brings me to writing about a dream I had last night. I recorded it as soon as I woke up, but details had already started to fade as soon as I started typing them into my phone:

I dreamed about beating up a politician. I had no idea why or what made me do it but I did it. He was unarmed and I had a stick with me. He was defenseless. Also, this took place while I was holidaying with my friends.

Anyway I was caught on camera, because I made no attempt to cover up, and I still fled from the scene of the crime. The authorities dropped by the hotel to question me and they told me that I would be going to jail. So for the next few nights, I declined going out with my friends. I just stayed in the hotel. I said I was gonna go to prison any time, so they should have fun without me.

I didn’t end up in jail, and our holiday concluded with no drama. Maybe I couldn’t dream what the interior of a jail was like, so my brain skipped that part. Or maybe the worrying was done on purpose to make me feel worse. Things could have been interesting or fun in jail? I don’t know. Fucking brain.

But during my time alone, I kept thinking to myself, oh shit my life is ruined. Nobody is going to hire me anymore. I’ll be a stain in society. I was going to have a criminal record. I wasn’t going to get a decent salary anymore. I was so worried. And I kept thinking, why the fuck did I do that? I wasn’t instructed to. Nobody convinced me or paid me to beat up that old man. I did it on my own! I was filled with regret.

And so, this morning I woke up feeling like I never want to go to jail, ever. Need someone to beat up a politician? Don’t call me.