Take pipes, take aim

So the other day I was taking a leak at some public toilet and I heard this man say to his son, “Aim at the fox!”. But the creature in the urinal was a frog! So I thought that it was funny he mispronounced ‘frog’ or he really thought it was a fox. And if his son grows up calling a frog a fox, that would be pretty funny too.

* * * * *

Don’t you hate it when you use a public urinal and find piss all over the floor next to the urinals? So the other day I devised a machine which would solve the problem which the little aiming frogs couldn’t-

Basically it is a larger basin under the main urinal which collects urine that manages to miss the main basin and pumps it up to a cannon aimed at the user’s face. I think a few sprays of your own piss to your face is enough to deter you from future carelessness. (Unless you’re the sort of person who’s into that sort of thing, then it’s a win-win situation anyway).

Complaintor.

When I had a girlfriend, all I seemed to complain about was about my girlfriend and work. Now that I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, all I ever complain about is work. Do people ever complain about studies? Nah, it’s not something you can really complain about. I mean people expect studying to be a pain in the ass, what else is there to complain about? Life?

But really, what is there to complain about life? I mean seriously, how bad can life be?
Maybe if you go out of the house one day, and you lose an arm to a freak accident. You come back home, you find cops are all over the place cos your dad is a terrorist and the car that he bought for you 18th birthday was actually going to be used in a car bombing attempt. Then you find out your mom is really an undercover cop and your real mom is actually a transvestite in India locked up for trying to bribe a judge. I guess that would be a pretty fucked up day. Though it would make a truly interesting book/movie.

Life gives you all sorts of choices. Each day you wake up, its like God rolled the dice for the day and your options get played out by you. Somedays you’re gonna roll 12 sixes in a row. Or maybe multiple ones. Whatever- it’s all random right? Then you get your challenges, and you decide how to solve them. Take the easy way? The long way? Sometimes you fail, sometimes you succeed.

Your life story is like some adventure book.
Turn to page 53 if you chose to touch that little boy in his pants….
..You get noticed by a passerby who calls the cops. The cops arrive and catch you in the act. Turn to page 140 if you choose to run, page 300 if you surrender yourself. Page 450 if you hold the kid hostage..

Life is full of twists. I guess that’s what keeps us going. We’re always looking for our ‘next big break’ or ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. Or whatever metaphor you want to use to describe the hope that is almost there. Just barely out of reach. ‘A little bit more’, we would say.

Nobody is truly happy. If they were, they wouldn’t be complaining..I heard someone say something along the lines of ‘the only people who don’t complain are the ones who are dead.’ I believe so.

A man I became.

Today I did the manliest thing ever– I changed my car’s CD player!
My Kenwood KDC-339S that I won on Lelong.com.my about a week ago came today and boy, I was as excited as a kid on crack!
After work I tried fixing it into my car but realized that it used a smaller sized connector than my previous CD player. So I decided to go to a mechanic to get it done. The workshop was closed by the time I reached it but I wanted to test the product! So being the adventurous (lol) guy I am, I decided to take matters into my own hands and get the job done myself.

This was the first time I had ever attempted such a thing on my car. Anyway to cut the long story short, I managed to rewire the connections and fixed the CD player successfully. It wasn’t too hard, but it was a tedious process- I had to make sure each wire was connected to the corresponding wire. The first time I turned on my car to test the player I thought I was gonna short circuit the whole car. Haha. I was such a n00b with the wire cutters- countless times I cut a wire instead of just stripping the outer layer off, but good thing I had a lot of room for error :p My wires kept getting lose (I had no duct tape, so I used the used duct tape from the old wires and masking tape haha). I hope the masking tape doesn’t catch fire. I’ll have to get some duct tape and replace the masking tape soon.

Wow, this was a fucking boring post. I have no idea why I even wrote it.

I now know how to install a car CD player! *levels up*

Pro Blogger

So, I was on facebook tonight, and I saw this ad which just made me crack up:

Holy shit, I actually let out a fart when I saw this picture!
I mean, seriously- a pro-blogger?

Okay, to all those bloggers who can make a living out of blogging, I respect you guys– you’ve done the seemingly impossible. To those of you trying to cash in on the ad trends, again, your decision. But my stance on ads isn’t gonna change. Firstly, I purposely paid for my own domain name just to not have ads. Do you ever remember the days when the term ‘blogging’ was unheard of, and people had ‘home pages’ instead?

Everyone was scouting for free hosts which had the smallest ads. The less intrusive or obstructive the ad, the better. And usually, the best hosts were the ones with the shitty URL (Brinkster I’m looking at you). While hosts like geocities/angelfire had subdomains within subdomains for your URL, which was another deciding factor in your free webhost.

Now we get people setting up blogs and putting ads on their blogs willingly. What the fuck happened?! Did I miss something here?? Maybe that’s why I’m broke all the time. (well with the measly traffic I get, a rm100 check that comes in every couple of months won’t do much to change the situation). But yeah, I pay rm120 a year, which is rm10 a month for my domain and hosting. I don’t think its alot to ask for an ad-free site.

In fact I don’t even think that people should be blogging for money if they’re just blogging for fun. I mean, really what’s the point? Maybe it’s good motivation to write. But where’s the passion in writing for yourself or for your readers then? That’s why I also hate ‘sponsored posts’. Seriously, like half the products or services these people write about- they don’t even use themselves!

And you know the best part about this post is? I didn’t even click on the pro-blogger’s link.

Migration.

The other day when I was in Phuket, I was thinking about the ant I picked up from the beach and brought onto the boat (no it wasn’t on purpose, it somehow managed to crawl into my goggles). The ant probably had no idea where it was, or where it was going, and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna get back home (wherever that was) without another boat trip back. I brought an island ant back to the mainland. I wonder if it fit in with the other ants.

I remember a few years back when I was driving to college in the morning, I noticed there was a spider on my windshield. It stayed on the whole journey till I reached Cyberjaya. When I went back to my car after class, the spider was gone. I brought an Ampang spider to Cyberjaya. I wonder if he/she fit in.

I have no idea how to follow up to the previous two paragraphs. But I just thought I’d share how humans and animals work together to help each other migrate.

I mean imagine if Mr. Ant was having a shitty life in the island, being constantly picked on by the other ants. One day he tells the leader of his colony, ‘Fuck this shit! I’m leaving you and your fucking drones behind!’ And he jumps off a tree branch because he’d rather be dead than to go back where he was, so when he lands on some plastic surface which seems to carry him far away into the distance, it’s a miracle. It’s a blessing from the antgod.

Maybe Mr. Spider just got out of an 8 year relationship (do spiders live that long?!), and decides to commit suicide. He spins a web 4 stories high, and jumps off it. But instead of falling to his doom, he lands on the windshield of a black sports car which takes him far away into the distance. ‘I’d rather die than be with you!’ he yells at his ex as the car drives off. The spider starts a new life.

I guess that’s how and why animals migrate.