Take pipes, take aim

So the other day I was taking a leak at some public toilet and I heard this man say to his son, “Aim at the fox!”. But the creature in the urinal was a frog! So I thought that it was funny he mispronounced ‘frog’ or he really thought it was a fox. And if his son grows up calling a frog a fox, that would be pretty funny too.

* * * * *

Don’t you hate it when you use a public urinal and find piss all over the floor next to the urinals? So the other day I devised a machine which would solve the problem which the little aiming frogs couldn’t-

Basically it is a larger basin under the main urinal which collects urine that manages to miss the main basin and pumps it up to a cannon aimed at the user’s face. I think a few sprays of your own piss to your face is enough to deter you from future carelessness. (Unless you’re the sort of person who’s into that sort of thing, then it’s a win-win situation anyway).

Complaintor.

When I had a girlfriend, all I seemed to complain about was about my girlfriend and work. Now that I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, all I ever complain about is work. Do people ever complain about studies? Nah, it’s not something you can really complain about. I mean people expect studying to be a pain in the ass, what else is there to complain about? Life?

But really, what is there to complain about life? I mean seriously, how bad can life be?
Maybe if you go out of the house one day, and you lose an arm to a freak accident. You come back home, you find cops are all over the place cos your dad is a terrorist and the car that he bought for you 18th birthday was actually going to be used in a car bombing attempt. Then you find out your mom is really an undercover cop and your real mom is actually a transvestite in India locked up for trying to bribe a judge. I guess that would be a pretty fucked up day. Though it would make a truly interesting book/movie.

Life gives you all sorts of choices. Each day you wake up, its like God rolled the dice for the day and your options get played out by you. Somedays you’re gonna roll 12 sixes in a row. Or maybe multiple ones. Whatever- it’s all random right? Then you get your challenges, and you decide how to solve them. Take the easy way? The long way? Sometimes you fail, sometimes you succeed.

Your life story is like some adventure book.
Turn to page 53 if you chose to touch that little boy in his pants….
..You get noticed by a passerby who calls the cops. The cops arrive and catch you in the act. Turn to page 140 if you choose to run, page 300 if you surrender yourself. Page 450 if you hold the kid hostage..

Life is full of twists. I guess that’s what keeps us going. We’re always looking for our ‘next big break’ or ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. Or whatever metaphor you want to use to describe the hope that is almost there. Just barely out of reach. ‘A little bit more’, we would say.

Nobody is truly happy. If they were, they wouldn’t be complaining..I heard someone say something along the lines of ‘the only people who don’t complain are the ones who are dead.’ I believe so.

A man I became.

Today I did the manliest thing ever– I changed my car’s CD player!
My Kenwood KDC-339S that I won on Lelong.com.my about a week ago came today and boy, I was as excited as a kid on crack!
After work I tried fixing it into my car but realized that it used a smaller sized connector than my previous CD player. So I decided to go to a mechanic to get it done. The workshop was closed by the time I reached it but I wanted to test the product! So being the adventurous (lol) guy I am, I decided to take matters into my own hands and get the job done myself.

This was the first time I had ever attempted such a thing on my car. Anyway to cut the long story short, I managed to rewire the connections and fixed the CD player successfully. It wasn’t too hard, but it was a tedious process- I had to make sure each wire was connected to the corresponding wire. The first time I turned on my car to test the player I thought I was gonna short circuit the whole car. Haha. I was such a n00b with the wire cutters- countless times I cut a wire instead of just stripping the outer layer off, but good thing I had a lot of room for error :p My wires kept getting lose (I had no duct tape, so I used the used duct tape from the old wires and masking tape haha). I hope the masking tape doesn’t catch fire. I’ll have to get some duct tape and replace the masking tape soon.

Wow, this was a fucking boring post. I have no idea why I even wrote it.

I now know how to install a car CD player! *levels up*

Pro Blogger

So, I was on facebook tonight, and I saw this ad which just made me crack up:

Holy shit, I actually let out a fart when I saw this picture!
I mean, seriously- a pro-blogger?

Okay, to all those bloggers who can make a living out of blogging, I respect you guys– you’ve done the seemingly impossible. To those of you trying to cash in on the ad trends, again, your decision. But my stance on ads isn’t gonna change. Firstly, I purposely paid for my own domain name just to not have ads. Do you ever remember the days when the term ‘blogging’ was unheard of, and people had ‘home pages’ instead?

Everyone was scouting for free hosts which had the smallest ads. The less intrusive or obstructive the ad, the better. And usually, the best hosts were the ones with the shitty URL (Brinkster I’m looking at you). While hosts like geocities/angelfire had subdomains within subdomains for your URL, which was another deciding factor in your free webhost.

Now we get people setting up blogs and putting ads on their blogs willingly. What the fuck happened?! Did I miss something here?? Maybe that’s why I’m broke all the time. (well with the measly traffic I get, a rm100 check that comes in every couple of months won’t do much to change the situation). But yeah, I pay rm120 a year, which is rm10 a month for my domain and hosting. I don’t think its alot to ask for an ad-free site.

In fact I don’t even think that people should be blogging for money if they’re just blogging for fun. I mean, really what’s the point? Maybe it’s good motivation to write. But where’s the passion in writing for yourself or for your readers then? That’s why I also hate ‘sponsored posts’. Seriously, like half the products or services these people write about- they don’t even use themselves!

And you know the best part about this post is? I didn’t even click on the pro-blogger’s link.

Migration.

The other day when I was in Phuket, I was thinking about the ant I picked up from the beach and brought onto the boat (no it wasn’t on purpose, it somehow managed to crawl into my goggles). The ant probably had no idea where it was, or where it was going, and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna get back home (wherever that was) without another boat trip back. I brought an island ant back to the mainland. I wonder if it fit in with the other ants.

I remember a few years back when I was driving to college in the morning, I noticed there was a spider on my windshield. It stayed on the whole journey till I reached Cyberjaya. When I went back to my car after class, the spider was gone. I brought an Ampang spider to Cyberjaya. I wonder if he/she fit in.

I have no idea how to follow up to the previous two paragraphs. But I just thought I’d share how humans and animals work together to help each other migrate.

I mean imagine if Mr. Ant was having a shitty life in the island, being constantly picked on by the other ants. One day he tells the leader of his colony, ‘Fuck this shit! I’m leaving you and your fucking drones behind!’ And he jumps off a tree branch because he’d rather be dead than to go back where he was, so when he lands on some plastic surface which seems to carry him far away into the distance, it’s a miracle. It’s a blessing from the antgod.

Maybe Mr. Spider just got out of an 8 year relationship (do spiders live that long?!), and decides to commit suicide. He spins a web 4 stories high, and jumps off it. But instead of falling to his doom, he lands on the windshield of a black sports car which takes him far away into the distance. ‘I’d rather die than be with you!’ he yells at his ex as the car drives off. The spider starts a new life.

I guess that’s how and why animals migrate.

Let’s kick off the new year with a tag.

I read it on Su Ann’s blog and it looked like a good filler while I delay my next post (which I have yet to write). I tag anybody with a blog and if you have no idea what to write about for your next post. Or anybody who feels like doing it. Hell you can even make it a bulletin on friendster or something.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Shhh.. i can’t tell..alright, I drove an M3 😀 I wore PINK and I went clubbing. I even got my hair highlighted stylishly! Oh, I played a couple of open mics as well.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Let’s see- the resolutions I made this year: make an impact in Malaysia- I didn’t complete it. I guess I just wasn’t focused enough- I didn’t even know what or how I was going to do it, so I guess it never really materialized. Something I never really announced- become more sociable, which I think its something I accomplished.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. But I know someone who went for surgery to remove bits of a dead baby which was embedded in her body :S

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
Thailand, and Singapore.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More holidays. Money. Better time management.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Come to think of it, I haven’t got any dates etched upon my memory from 07.. all I remember was ‘the time I…’ but I don’t remember any exact dates.. oh well

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My first pay check 😀

9. What was your biggest failure?
Myself– sometimes when I let myself down, I feel like a failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Eczema. That keeps recurring.. evil shit!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
FM modulator. Seriously, without it I think I would’ve ripped my hair out during car journeys.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The clean up and painting team.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The clean up and painting team.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I guess myself. Though I didn’t really indulge myself in many things, just daily necessities like food, petrol, phone credit etc.. really ate up alot of my money.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Clubbing. No, just kidding! The Ferhan vs. Fabian match tomorrow night! 😀 Showdown of the century!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
‘This conversation is over’ by Alesana. I think its my most listened to song this year. ‘Makedamnsure’ comes in second, even though it came out awhile ago, I’ve been listening to it alot this year as well.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
neither happier or sadder, fatter, poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
play more WoW, open mic gigs, write more songs

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
procrastinate

20. How did you spend Christmas?
at James’ crib watching Superbad.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Was already in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Prison Break (‘fo sure!)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Don’t remember reading any books this year.. I guess they weren’t that memorable. Maybe ‘the five people you meet in heaven’.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Wow, alot of bands this year. But I gotta say Four Year Strong and Alesana. My two favorite bands I discovered this year.

26. What did you want and get?
Nothing.

27. What did you want and not get?
Nintendo DS, Electric Guitar.

28. What was your favorite film this year?
Shoot ‘Em Up.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I had dinner with my family 🙂 22.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Completing my ‘making an impact..’ goal.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
The same as before. I guess I wore more long sleeved shirts this year. But that’s about it. Usually I’m all about T-Shirts and Jeans.

32. What kept you sane?
Outlook XD

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Scarlett Johansson

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don’t care much about politics.

35. Who did you miss?
FFAF in Singapore.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Haven’t met anyone who deserves that title yet. lol. But I’ve made alot of new friends last year and I’m glad I did. 🙂

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
It’s not about where you go, but who you go there with.