Kill The House Lights

So, for the past few days I’ve been busy with the death of a family member and I’ve learned a few things from the experience.

Crying is contagious. Holding back tears could be a sport, like tickling competitions.

Wakes and funeral services aren’t cheap. I’m not kidding when I say that it can cost as much as a car to have one of these events (probably due to the provider our family used, I’m sure there are cheaper alternatives out there). It might just be me, but I can’t begin to fathom why people would spend so much on someone who will have no idea what goes on after they have departed from this world. Sure, it’s a sign of respect and all that jazz, but honestly, I still believe in not having a funeral. All the money spent could have been put towards many other things that people can actually appreciate, but hey – it’s not my money so I don’t get a say. I mean for goodness sake, you buy a nice box to put a body in – just to incinerate it a few days later. And people chide me for smoking cigarettes. At least I get some enjoyment out of it.

Did you know that the only difference between a casket and a coffin is in the design of the box? I thought they were interchangeable words. I had to google it to find out.

I thought it was pretty morbid showing my grandpa where grandma’s urn would be stored. Hers took up half of the storage area and his urn is supposed to be placed in the other half. I wonder if he even understood what had happened and what was going on. He didn’t say anything about it. He also tried to shift gears and pull the hand brake while I was driving him home. I stopped him from doing it, of course. Would have been a messy sight if anything happened.

Trying to recruit people to join your religion during a wake is a dick move. I don’t care if that’s your mission in life as a pastor, but there’s a time and place for everything and hijacking a mourning ceremony for brownie points is not the way to go. I’m glad nobody came forward that night. Nobody comes to these events to be converted, it’s not some MLM free training bullshit event. Idiot.

And while we’re on the topic of conversions, how are deathbed conversions acceptable? I honestly don’t understand. People who are desperate to survive will say and agree to anything if they think it gives them a chance to live. It’s like telling a criminal to confess to a crime so he will be given a lighter sentence – and then sentencing him to a lifetime in prison anyway because he confessed. Why do religions even accept conversions under such circumstances? Isn’t it as valid as information given under duress? It may or may not be honest, there’s no way to tell. Just let people be. Is it so hard to let someone live their remaining days out without trying to get them to believe in your higher power?

Rest in peace, grandma.

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