“What if it was doomed to fail in the first place? And that incident only served as a catalyst to speed things up? What if we were already falling apart at that time, but just didn’t know it?”
“And what if it wasn’t? What if you weren’t so fucking stupid and didn’t do what you did – what then? Would it have ended some other way?”
“Not that I can think of at the moment…”
I dragged on my cigarette and exhaled into the tortoise’s face. It didn’t seem to mind – it never did. It just stared ahead, through me, seeing through all the smoke and bullshit.
“Stop trying to revise history. Just swallow the pill and man up. You fucked up, that’s all there is to it. There’s no point trying to believe otherwise.”
“Can I make things right?”
“It’s unlikely. And if I were you, I wouldn’t even try. Why the fuck would anybody give you another chance to let them down again? You’re better off dead. You should’ve killed yourself in that car crash.”
“Yeah, I should’ve stepped on the pedal harder.”
There was nothing left to be said. I put out my cigarette, and walked back into the house.
“And to think I was actually rooting for him,” the tortoise thought to itself. It turned and retreated into its alcove.
I’m tired, cynical and broken but wiser.
It’s been almost a month since the incident. Yet it replayed in his head over and over again, as though it had just taken place yesterday. He let out a sigh. What choice do I have? Plenty. And you chose to walk down that path. You’re just another statistic.
So today, I was linked to an article about some folks in China shaming a rat – literally. They strung up a dead rat, hung a sign on it saying “Is that all you’ve got? You can kill me and I still won’t admit it was me who stole your rice!”
While I was amused by the picture, I found it cruel at the same time. I mean, if they had done the same thing to a dog, I would have been outraged. Which got me thinking – is it wrong to favor an animal over another? Like, let’s say a dog stole some rice, or maybe it killed a child. Then it was slaughtered and hung out to be shamed. How would I feel about that? I don’t know.
But then again, China gives no shits about what kind of animal you are when it comes to punishment.
We gave ourselves the right to put down animals without any fear of retribution. Imagine if animals could band together to avenge their fallen ones? Would we reconsider how we treated them then?
Sometimes pets are treated better than human beings.
Is owning a pet equivalent to keeping a child in captivity?
I’ve read a quote saying something like “if you claim you love dogs but you eat meat, you’re a hypocrite”. Would that mean someone saying they love eating carrots but hate potatoes is a hypocrite? Where do you draw the line?
If animals like dogs and cats were bred to be slaughtered for food (like chickens and cows), would that be any better? What makes eating one animal versus another frowned upon (assuming that neither of them are endangered)?
I enjoy eating meat. I also love dogs a lot and would probably never eat their meat under any circumstance. I love most vegetables except bitter gourd (that isn’t deep-fried), lady fingers, and other slimy vegetables. I don’t mind people who are vegans. However, I don’t like people who feel the need to shove their beliefs down the throats of others (though this isn’t limited to just dietary habits *cough*religion*cough* sorry, I used to be one of those people). Also, eating meat isn’t such a bad thing.
Today at 2:30 PM – 8 PM
Grind 22 [No. 22, Lorong Maarof, 59000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia]
The first instalment of Coffee + Chords at Grind 22 for 2017 adds on an extra kick from some fine indie comedians. (We’re just adding the “indie” label because it legitimises everything.)
On the dais for the day is:
• 3:00PM Sia Nicholas
• 3:30PM Tan Soon Tiong Music
• 4:00PM Shaneil Devaser of The Endleaves
• 4:30PM: Qhotakmusica
• 5:00PM: Michelle Augustin Barbour, Riezman Radzlan, Harresh A.u, Abdul Raqib Karim, Aiman Azri, Nat Kang
• 6:00PM: DANI
• 6:30PM: The Propositions
• 7:00PM: Priscillia Xavier
• 7:30PM: 2storeyheart
I can’t remember the last time I performed alongside stand up comedians, this should be a fun one! Drop by if you’ve got nothing to do this afternoon/evening!
Also, my first show of 2017!
Being away from home makes me appreciate home more. You miss the convenience of having your own car and being able to go anywhere you like. You miss the convenience of calling up your friends to meet up for a drink just because you feel like it. You miss not having to wear a jacket every time you want to go out for a smoke. Oh wait, you’d be able to smoke indoors if you were in Malaysia.
I experienced snow for the first time in my life. Mines Wonderland when I was a kid doesn’t count. So, yay! I never thought it’d be so mushy to step on. Maybe it wasn’t cold enough. I smoked my first cigarette in the snow. I put my first cigarette out in the snow. I didn’t open my mouth to catch snow flakes in my mouth though. Didn’t feel like it. Don’t think I’ll be making a snow angel either, I have a feeling it’ll just soak my clothes.
Even though I’m not traveling alone, I do get my own room wherever we stay, which has been pretty good (not that I don’t miss you, Sherman, leave the army and come back dammit). I don’t have to wait to use the toilet. I don’t have to decide which bed I want. There’s no shortage of power sockets. I can throw my shit all over the floor and bed. I can walk around naked ( ?° ?? ?°) I can put on whatever music or shows I want to fall asleep without worrying about having to wake anybody.
I’m gonna be here for another week. I’m looking forward to the Ciana Book Fair. It’s going to be my first time.
My jam for the night:
It’s been awhile since I had to spend an extended period of time at an airport. The last time this happened was when I was in Japan. I had arrived after midnight, and there were no more trains and buses out from the airport. I had no choice but to wait until the first bus of that day.
I remember walking around the airport aimlessly. Almost everything was closed so there was nothing much to see. Nobody else was walking around. People were all strewn across chairs or on the floor, sleeping. Waiting for their next flight or like me, a bus out of the airport. I managed to find an open restaurant and bought a bowl of Udon noodles to fill my empty stomach. After that, I just loaded up Twitch on my iPad and watched some games to pass the time.
Fast forward a few years later and we have me in a similar situation. Waiting for my connecting flight to Heathrow, sitting at a Shake Shack, listening to some tunes by Dance Gavin Dance and typing out this post. Dubai’s airport is a hell lot busier at this hour. It is brightly lit, there are tons of people walking around in search of food, a place to rest, their departure gate, or just walking because it’s better than sitting around.
I was sitting alone until 5 minutes ago when this stranger just took up the seat on the table connected to mine. I didn’t acknowledge him. Not that I needed to. He was a person looking for a place to sit, like me. I don’t think I’ll engage in conversation with him. According to my laptop’s clock, it should be 5am in Malaysia now. I would be asleep at this hour. However, I slept almost the whole flight earlier so I’m not tired.
It was an uneventful flight. I watched This Is Spinal Tap for the first time. I fell asleep about 20 minutes from the end of the movie so I’ll probably finish it later. I had the aisle seat, which I didn’t mind at first until I realized it meant that I would have to give way to the two passengers next to me if they wanted to use the toilet. Good thing it only happened once. I would’ve been annoyed if I had to do it a few times.
The food was pretty good. I had some chicken curry and rice. And carrots and long beans. And a piece of chocolate. Oh, for some reason I received two prawn salads. I didn’t complain. Also ate some bread sticks. Had a lot of water. A glass of gin and tonic.
When I was sleeping, I kept feeling my hands getting wet. I have no idea if I was sweating or it was just in my head. But it was a weird sensation. I did drool a lot. One of the passengers next to me had a strange laugh. She sounded like she was going to die. I just put on my headphones to listen to the Giant Bomb podcast and ignored her. I pulled my beanie over my face and fell asleep.
My flight to the UK departs in about an hour. Great. I’m looking forward to freeze my balls off.
Oh, 70 AED = RM85, I found out today. Priciest fast food I’ve ever paid for in my life. At least it’s cheaper than rap CDs.
It all started when I was ‘punished’ by Muthu. Leader of one of the most notorious gangs in the Federal Correctional Institute. He didn’t like the way I eyed him for three seconds when he cut in front of me during lunch time. I did my best to give him a ‘don’t fuck with me’ stare because I was there for murder and wasn’t remorseful about it. He didn’t seem fazed, as evident during our toilet break – he and his goons grabbed me and shoved my head into one of the restroom’s toilet bowls.
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MPEG-1 and/or MPEG-2 Audio Layer III, more commonly referred to as MP3, is an audio coding format for digital audio which uses a form of lossy data compression. It is a common audio format for consumer audio streaming or storage, as well as a de facto standard of digital audio compression for the transfer and playback of music on most digital audio players and computing devices. [Wikipedia]
One of the best things about the internet is the amount of entertainment available for people to consume at any time. With a quick search and a click of a button, your favorite artists’s latest song can be playing in your ears in seconds. Compressed music is one of my favorite things about the internet. Without the internet, my music library would be a thousand times smaller than what it is right now. There’d be so many bands and singers I would have missed out on because they don’t get any airplay on radio over here.
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If there’s one thing a lot of people tell me after they listen to me perform is that it’s my music reminds them of Dashboard Confessional. I can’t disagree with them because Chris Carrabba is probably the main reason I even picked up guitar in the first place. But my songs are nowhere as near as good as his. Honestly, if my songs were to be placed side by side with Dashboard songs, nobody would disagree that they are miles apart – objectively speaking. Also, subjectively speaking – his songs are much more interesting and varied than mine. But today I’m not talking about my songs, instead I’ll be sharing about Dashboard Confessional (which I’m surprised I haven’t done yet for my Music Monday posts).
I was first introduced to Dashboard Confessional via the MTV Road Rules soundtrack alongside Thrice and Coheed and Cambria. I really enjoyed the respite of an acoustic track in a mostly energetic album, but I didn’t really listen to much of them until a friend (a huge Dashboard fan who frequently quoted their lyrics in her MSN statuses and blog posts) shared Hands Down with me and I was hooked.
Saints and Sailors