Grass is green

Every time I drive by grass cutters, I get scared. But only if my windows are down. Because I always imagine a piece of stray grass flying through the air, into my car and slicing my eye causing me to go blind and crash the car when I panic because all I see is red in one eye. Why do you think they have to wear long sleeves, a face mask and goggles when cutting grass? Flying grass is lethal, that’s why!

But why does freshly cut grass smell so good? Why does it even smell in the first place? Is it bleeding? Does grass bleed? I don’t know. But all I know is that freshly cut grass smells so good, and grass cutters need to be heavily armored when working.

Shower heads

The only reason shower heads have settings is because girls use them. Seriously. I mean when have you ever felt the need to change the settings on your shower head when you were taking a shower? Never!

This is what and all a guy will ever need:

The standard setting for all shower heads and those with no other settings. Nothing fancy here, just a normal shower.

These are the other modes offered by some shower heads:

High-pressured shower

Alright some people might like it, but I don’t. The shower head in my toilet was set to this setting when I went in today (which inspired me to write this post), and it felt like I was ripping my skin off! The water actually hurt! Now I can’t see another situation where water flowing at high-speeds is needed (besides the dam..well come to think of it, it is like a dam. Damn.).

We don’t need this-

low pressured flowing water in the center and higher pressure water around the sides. What the hell is this mode for? For getting girls off of course! They’ll use the low pressure water first and slowly build up and then bam! They finish off with the high-pressured water from the sides.

And then there’s

I myself don’t even know what that is. But I’m sure it would work pretty well. There’s like high-pressure, low-pressure, zig-zag streams, spirals, the whole Giant, and a whole load more shit. Definitely not for (most) guys. I speak on behalf of the manly men out there.

Have you guys ever seen the ad which looks something like this?

We all know what she’s really ‘shh’-ing about
This is based on a real ad! Seriously! I’ve spotted it a couple of times on some major highways. If I ever get the chance, I’ll get a picture of it. I mean, how subtle can you get?

P.S. Lame mspaint drawings tonight cos I felt like doing lame mspaint drawings.

Sometimes I feel like..

Harry Potter

I wonder about my parents. What were they like when they were young? (because they’re still alive now)

Was your mom miss popular back in high school?
Were all the friends she hung out with bimbos?
Were they the smart nerdy types?
Did she go out partying every weekend?
Did your dad play Dungeons & Dragons?
Was he a pot head?
Was he in a band?
How did they meet?
Were they romantic?

I don’t know where to go with this, maybe I’ll revisit this post in the future :p

* * * * *

Awhile time ago, James tagged me with this quiz, and now I’ve finally come around to doing it. I think I’ve done it a long time ago on my geocities blog, but I don’t remember, so it doesn’t count. Here we go!

1. Open your library. (iTunes, Windows Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Turn on ’shuffle’.
3. Press ‘play’.
4. For every section, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you’re on to a new question, press ‘next’on your player.
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool by hiding your Hilary Duff and Westlife songs.

Opening credits: Hawthorne Heights – Screenwriting An Apology
Man this song would be so much better for the end song: “Exit now/credits rolling” haha

Waking up: I Am Ghost – Beyond The Hourglass
This would be better for a funeral song..why am I getting all the wrong songs? “My heart still beats outside this/Please put the final nail into this coffin/Ten-century has closed”

First day of school: As Cities Burn – Of Want And Nothing : The Misery That Kills
“I will hang my life in the space between the noose and your neck/I won’t let you die just yet” School wasn’t that depressing for me! In fact quite the opposite.. maybe my high school crush.. hmm haha

Falling in love: Taking Back Sunday – Lost And Found
Finally a song which fits! “Have you seen the girl/With my heart on her sweater?”

Fight song: Straylight Run – Tool Sheds And Hot Tubs
“Do you think that this could work out?/ Do you think you could come around?/ Do you think that this could work out again?/ I don’t.”
I guess this one fits too

Breaking up: Poison the Well – Turn Down Elliot
“I’ll hang neck tight from anything for you/ Skies most wanted good-byes/ You missed my face again”
So tragic :'(

Prom: The Hunt For Yoshi – Ride The Wings Of Pestilence
There’s no lyrics for this instrumental cover of a FFTL song..but the original song has the lyrics “I’ll wear your skin as a suit/ Pretend to be you/ Your friends will like you more then they used to”

Life is okay: Powerspace – Prologue: Adam Beckett
“And one day someone spoke inside of me/ Young man rise and make your mark/ So today I will be free”

Mental breakdown: Theme song to the Spider Lilies movie.
No idea who wrote it or what it’s about, ID3 tags are in Chinese and its an Instrumental. It’s a haunting song anyway. I can imagine listening to it and going insane o.o

Driving: Dashboard Confessional – Hands Down
“These hearts they race” LOL. Love this song anyway, and yeah it would fit a driving scene. I can picture it in my head!

Flashback: Yourcodenameis:Milo – I’m Impressed
“Congratulations, you’re on time/ Congratulations, you’re on time/ Tonight’s your night but it will pass/ You never thought that this could last”

Getting back together: The Used – Alone This Holiday
“Maybe light a candle/ Don’t say a prayer me/ Feel alone cos I’m gone/ I left you, make Christmas your own/ You throw the thought of us away/ You’ll be alone this holiday” Not really huh?

Wedding: Papa Roach – Crash
“I refuse to be your victim i refuse to be your slave/ I keep on burning my bridges/ I keep on fucking up everything”

Birth of first child: Saosin – 3rd Measurement In C
“Tango with daddy, and separate only/ Smile my only/ Rights of passage!”

Final battle: October Fall – It Was Summer.. (Baby Steps)
“You say you’d never let this go/ I say we forget what we know/ Keep taking baby steps/ We’re still so far ahead”

Death scene: Senses Fail – Buried A Lie
“I’ll catch the murderer/ And send him away/ I’ll get the evidence/ From your last day” lol

Funeral song: Lostprophets – Last Train Home
“To every broken heart in here/ Love was once a part, but now it’s disappeared/ She told me that it’s all a part of the choices that you make/ Even when you think you’re right/ You have to give to take” Damn, this song is sad 🙁

Ending credits: Dashboard Confessional – Screaming Infidelities
You know this song is so good, I’ll just post all of the lyrics up :p

I’m missing your bed,
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we’d have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I’m cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You’re not alone and you’re not discreet.
You make sure I know who’s taking you home.
I’m reading your note over again,
There’s not a word that I comprehend,
except when you signed it:
“I’ll love you always and forever”
Well as for now I’m gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder,
how you’re making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere…
With anyone…
making out.
I’m missing your laugh,
how did it break?
And when did your eyes
begin to look fake?
I hope you’re as happy as your pretending
I’m cuddling close to blanket and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I’m missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we’d have to speak.
And this bottle of Beast is taking me home.
Well as for now I’m gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder…
how you’re making out.
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere…
With anyone…
making out
Your hair.
It’s everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It’s everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It’s everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.
Your hair.
It’s everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
And taking its wear.

I tag whoever wants to do it cos when I write names nobody does it anyway :p

Hair in your mouth

The other day I was eating my lunch, and I felt a strand of hair on my tongue. Don’t you just hate that feeling? It’s almost as bad as walking through spider webs.
And it doesn’t happen only when you’re eating. Sometimes you’re just minding your own business when suddenly you feel a strand of hair in your mouth, and you’re wondering ‘what the fuck?!’
How does it get there in the first place?

It’s uncomfortable, and when you think about where the hair comes from, it just grosses you out even more. Imagine if the hair came from a person with some head lice or something.

How far we’ve come..

So I was on MSN chatting with Alvin when he started belting out the lyrics to matchbox twenty’s latest song. First thing that came to mind:

Makes sense, no?

Look what came in the mail a few days ago- all the way from Australia, thanks Hui-Xieng!
(check out my sexy beard + mustache combo)

Now you can show your boyfriend why you bought this shirt for me! :p

You know, I’ve found myself.
No I’m not coming out of the closet. LOL

I really feel like I’m meant to be an entertainer. Not necessarily a performer, just someone who entertains people with music, art, whatever. I don’t know why, but its just what I like doing the most. Seeing people enjoy whatever I do, that gives me the greatest satisfaction. So I think I could be happy doing just about anything, as long as people are entertained by it. That’s why I try to write songs that people can relate to, draw funny pictures, and write stuff that I would enjoy reading myself. Whenever I write a blog post, I have to read it first and see if I would enjoy reading it. If I don’t, I usually don’t post it.

The funny thing about death.. that no one has ever lived to talk about it.

I’ve talked about it before, and I’ll probably continue to talk about it in the future.
What happens when you die?

I just hope the afterlife party rocks.

(don’t worry, I’m not feeling suicidal at the moment)

Sunday afternoon home

Clearing out my phone’s saved messages again- here we go!

So the other day I drove next to this guy in a black 1990 Celica

and parked next to him. It was a coincidence really, our cars happened to be the same color as well. Only thing he had was a larger muffler. Anyways, when I got out of the car, he gave me this stare like I was trying to steal his girlfriend or something (which was right beside him in his car). So I ran over to his window, punched through it and shards of glass went into his eyes. Just kidding about the punching part. I just ignored it and walked off. But yeah, it wasn’t like I did anything! I didn’t even notice his girlfriend at first. It was dark at night. But anyways, thanks for the cold stare asshole!

Drinking soft drinks for rings for dialysis machines

Recently I’ve been collecting can drink rings for a friend who wants them to make a wheel chair (she promised me I could ride in it when it was completed lol). I remembered a few years back, another friend of mine wanted the rings for making a dialysis machine as well. I’m like how many things can you make with these things? Next thing I know we’re gonna have an airplane made from can rings. Then I started thinking about what I was doing- I was drinking unhealthy drinks for a health-related purpose. I thought that was ironic. Maybe next time I’m really gonna need the wheelchair when my legs freeze up from having too much sugar, or I’ll need the dialysis machine cos I put salt in all my drinks (no I don’t do that).

Don’t change your toothbrush every 3 months, brush twice a day, don’t use mouthwash, don’t go to the dentist, you’ll have great teeth like me, never be afraid to smile anymore

And I have to add ‘no flossing either’ to the list. The other day I was talking with Raelene about teeth, and I mentioned how I never took good care of them, but they still remain some of the best looking teeth around (haha..I kid). I’ve had numerous comments about how white my teeth are, or how straight they are blablabla and so on, but I never went beyond the duty of just brushing them twice a day. I never floss, only went to the dentist when my teeth hurt (so far I’ve only been to the dentist 3-4 times my whole life), never changed my toothbrush every 3 months- I mean come on! they start to get comfortable after 2 months! I hate the feeling of brand new bristles over my teeth..its so.. bad?? It’s indescribable. Haha. A few days after that conversation I had a toothache. I’m supposed to go to the dentist to check it out, but I have yet to :p It’s gone now, and hopefully it won’t resurface.

Traffic reports don’t save time, they tell you what you already know! What if you had to go kl and it’s jammed all over?

Traffic reports are useless. Period. They do not save you time! They give you reports in real time. They tell you what is already happening. The other day I was stuck in KL and the report came on. ‘Traffic is congested all over KL’ Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know! I mean, what if the place you’re going to only has one way to reach it? When you live here, you learn to live with the jam anyway. It’s part of life, unless of course you fly a helicopter. Traffic reports are redundant. They don’t help you beat the jam! They make you wish you were at home instead of stuck in the fucking car traffic. ‘Oooh there’s an accident on the federal, motorists are advised not to stop and look’. Half the fucking country doesn’t seem to act that way!

Just saw a cop pull over a dude for using the emergency lane – to overtake a cop car! Hahaha funny shit

This was one of the funniest things I saw in the morning. It was a huge traffic jam to work. They closed 4 lanes into 1 lane (some construction work going on along the batu caves/gombak highway, I don’t know what its called. MRR2 as well? Anyways, I was on the slow lane, and I saw a police car use the emergency lane to cut through the traffic and cut in the car in front of me. About a minute later, another car came, on the same emergency lane as well, and cut in front of the cop car!! I LOLed to myself in the car when that happen. The next thing you know, the police car turned on its siren lights and pulled the dude over. ‘Thanks for our morning kopi!’

The day I didn’t die

Never mind the messed up rear of my car.

These could’ve caused an accident.

The other day onto work, my car brakes failed. Thank God it happened at a toll and when there weren’t many cars. I had to use my 1337 e-braking skills to stop the car at the side of the road. Turns out that my car ran out of brake fluid and my brakes were totally worn out. I don’t know how it happened, but I remember hearing weird ‘pop’ noises from the side of my car when I was driving it early in the morning, and then my car being slower than usual (I had to step on the gas alot to accelerate)- it felt like my brakes were constantly on while I was driving. I was contemplating going to the office first and then only going to the workshop later.

I wonder how that would’ve turned out.

Sometimes I don’t know what to believe in- coincidences? God? Destiny? I’ll never know.

Like awhile back, I was totally broke- it was nearing the end of the month, but I hadn’t got my pay yet. I only had RM10 in my wallet and RM10 in my bank account. My car petrol tank was at ‘E’. I had no idea how I was going to survive the following week till I got my pay. That very night, I won Employee of the Month. RM100 in cash. That was a real life saver. I never felt more thankful that night.

Was it a coincidence? Was it God? Was it karma? I don’t know.

All these things happen all the time. Not only to me, but to other people as well. Near death experiences? People write books, come out best sellers and make a fortune. Some people aren’t that fortunate. What makes one person more deserving than another? I guess I’m happy to be alive.

Yet another offering of random messages saved on my phone..and something to do with Kiwanis

It’s that time of the year again! When my phone keeps reminding me that I’m low on memory (maybe it is time to get a new phone), and so I have to delete all these random messages I keep saved in my phone.

Why do bikers check their wheels while moving?? Not like its gonna fall out!

Seriously, I have been driving behind way too many bikers who pull off these stunts. I mean, what the fuck are they trying to achieve? If it was something so important, couldn’t they have stopped on the emergency lane to check their wheels? These bikers have come close to causing accidents numerous times, and this trend doesn’t seem to be dying out either. One day a biker is gonna check his wheels and fly headfirst into a lorry. Then he will learn his lesson.

I hate fucking spiderwebs. Why must they spin them in places where I walk through? Don’t they know they can’t possible trap me with their puny webs?

How many of you have walked face first into spiderwebs? How many of you have actually enjoyed it? Please raise your hands. No don’t raise your hands, I can’t see you, I haven’t installed a hidden cam in your room..yet.. And for the majority of you who didn’t raise your hands (yes, I don’t know how I know you didn’t raise your hands but I know you didn’t), you understand how I feel. The feeling of something you can’t see, touching your face is just.. disturbing. (No it’s nothing like the ass of a ghost on your face, but that’s a different story for another day) I was supposed to draw a picture to accompany this message, but I forgot what I was supposed to draw, and therefore I have no picture!

You know what the best part of a song is? The chorus. Why? Because it happens at least 3 times during one song, most of the time, so it has to be catchy or something people would like listening to. That’s why good choruses are so hard to write. It can save a song with shitty verses

Don’t think that needs any additional explanation. Besides the fact that choruses are really hard to write. Good ones anyway. And I don’t think I’ve written a good chorus before.

And to end this post, I would like to advertise something that the company I work for is doing (in case you didn’t know; Inspidea)- they are organizing a fund raising event to support Kiwanis (a foundation for kids with Down Syndrome). Since I have a readership of about a thousand hits a day (I’m just kidding, I barely hit 90 haha), I’m helping to promote and advertise this event. It’s going to be held sometime in September I think, I forgot the details, I will update more when I confirm them. In conjunction with the fund raising event (there will be games, music, activities for kids), we are also selling cool T-shirts. They go for RM30 a piece and if I’m not mistaken all proceeds will go towards charity (again, I’ll need to get my facts straight :P) but anyhow they are really well designed. In fact I got myself 2 of them. Here are some product shots of the shirts for sale:

Each one has an interesting science fact except for the last one which has the names of the people involved.

Do you know? Eating banana makes people happy

Do you know? 70% of your body weight is made of water

Do you know? Just like thumb print, all of us have different tongue prints

So if you guys are interested in purchasing these shirts for a good cause, let me know! Leave a comment, SMS, or send me and email/add me on msn:

I will post more updates about the shirts and upcoming events. Stay tuned!

The awesome present/date

I feel like my body has been rewired internally.
Without my consent.
For the past 50 hours I’ve been pissing out of my ass. Not literally. But I’ve been suffering from diarrhea and it is pretty severe.
Medication isn’t helping either. Neither is my avoidance of spicy/milky/oily foods.

I feel like this guy now:

Now that I’ve disgusted you enough, onto my blog post :p

Awesome presents make ‘okay’ dates great, and vice versa.

I remembered the first time I ever planned a ‘special date’ for Raelene. It sucked– really bad. I think I was late for that date, I was broke; we had to order cheap food in a nice restaurant. I totally missed on her present. I bought her a CD of one of her favorite bands (which apparently girls don’t rate high on their list of things to receive as presents from boyfriends -_-” ). That night was horrible.

Fast forward to a more recent ‘special date’ which I planned for her- home cooked food at my place. Prior to that date, I had never ever cooked food for her. I mentioned my dislike for cooking, and how I would never do it. I made her wait in the car while I went in the house ‘to get something’ when actually I was preparing the meal :p I put on some good music, rushed out, brought her in and surprised her. Man, was she happy. That day I didn’t give her a present. It didn’t matter, the day was awesome enough 🙂

Not too long ago was our 2nd year anniversary- I bought her an awesome present. Something she really liked- CK One Summer perfume. She was really happy about it. The date went pretty well- nothing fantastic of anything, but overall it was good because the present was a hit.

Now I don’t know what the point of this post is anymore– I just took a note from my handphone and expanded on it. Haha. I guess it kinda reminds me about a story I heard about what dentists used to do when they pulled your teeth out- they would drop a heavy rock on your foot and while you screamed in pain they would remove your tooth. The larger pain distracts you from the smaller pain.

So if you have a shitty date planned, remember that a great present can save the day! (and vice versa)