The funny thing about death.. that no one has ever lived to talk about it.

I’ve talked about it before, and I’ll probably continue to talk about it in the future.
What happens when you die?

I just hope the afterlife party rocks.

(don’t worry, I’m not feeling suicidal at the moment)

Sunday afternoon home

Clearing out my phone’s saved messages again- here we go!

So the other day I drove next to this guy in a black 1990 Celica

and parked next to him. It was a coincidence really, our cars happened to be the same color as well. Only thing he had was a larger muffler. Anyways, when I got out of the car, he gave me this stare like I was trying to steal his girlfriend or something (which was right beside him in his car). So I ran over to his window, punched through it and shards of glass went into his eyes. Just kidding about the punching part. I just ignored it and walked off. But yeah, it wasn’t like I did anything! I didn’t even notice his girlfriend at first. It was dark at night. But anyways, thanks for the cold stare asshole!

Drinking soft drinks for rings for dialysis machines

Recently I’ve been collecting can drink rings for a friend who wants them to make a wheel chair (she promised me I could ride in it when it was completed lol). I remembered a few years back, another friend of mine wanted the rings for making a dialysis machine as well. I’m like how many things can you make with these things? Next thing I know we’re gonna have an airplane made from can rings. Then I started thinking about what I was doing- I was drinking unhealthy drinks for a health-related purpose. I thought that was ironic. Maybe next time I’m really gonna need the wheelchair when my legs freeze up from having too much sugar, or I’ll need the dialysis machine cos I put salt in all my drinks (no I don’t do that).

Don’t change your toothbrush every 3 months, brush twice a day, don’t use mouthwash, don’t go to the dentist, you’ll have great teeth like me, never be afraid to smile anymore

And I have to add ‘no flossing either’ to the list. The other day I was talking with Raelene about teeth, and I mentioned how I never took good care of them, but they still remain some of the best looking teeth around (haha..I kid). I’ve had numerous comments about how white my teeth are, or how straight they are blablabla and so on, but I never went beyond the duty of just brushing them twice a day. I never floss, only went to the dentist when my teeth hurt (so far I’ve only been to the dentist 3-4 times my whole life), never changed my toothbrush every 3 months- I mean come on! they start to get comfortable after 2 months! I hate the feeling of brand new bristles over my teeth..its so.. bad?? It’s indescribable. Haha. A few days after that conversation I had a toothache. I’m supposed to go to the dentist to check it out, but I have yet to :p It’s gone now, and hopefully it won’t resurface.

Traffic reports don’t save time, they tell you what you already know! What if you had to go kl and it’s jammed all over?

Traffic reports are useless. Period. They do not save you time! They give you reports in real time. They tell you what is already happening. The other day I was stuck in KL and the report came on. ‘Traffic is congested all over KL’ Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know! I mean, what if the place you’re going to only has one way to reach it? When you live here, you learn to live with the jam anyway. It’s part of life, unless of course you fly a helicopter. Traffic reports are redundant. They don’t help you beat the jam! They make you wish you were at home instead of stuck in the fucking car traffic. ‘Oooh there’s an accident on the federal, motorists are advised not to stop and look’. Half the fucking country doesn’t seem to act that way!

Just saw a cop pull over a dude for using the emergency lane – to overtake a cop car! Hahaha funny shit

This was one of the funniest things I saw in the morning. It was a huge traffic jam to work. They closed 4 lanes into 1 lane (some construction work going on along the batu caves/gombak highway, I don’t know what its called. MRR2 as well? Anyways, I was on the slow lane, and I saw a police car use the emergency lane to cut through the traffic and cut in the car in front of me. About a minute later, another car came, on the same emergency lane as well, and cut in front of the cop car!! I LOLed to myself in the car when that happen. The next thing you know, the police car turned on its siren lights and pulled the dude over. ‘Thanks for our morning kopi!’

The day I didn’t die

Never mind the messed up rear of my car.

These could’ve caused an accident.

The other day onto work, my car brakes failed. Thank God it happened at a toll and when there weren’t many cars. I had to use my 1337 e-braking skills to stop the car at the side of the road. Turns out that my car ran out of brake fluid and my brakes were totally worn out. I don’t know how it happened, but I remember hearing weird ‘pop’ noises from the side of my car when I was driving it early in the morning, and then my car being slower than usual (I had to step on the gas alot to accelerate)- it felt like my brakes were constantly on while I was driving. I was contemplating going to the office first and then only going to the workshop later.

I wonder how that would’ve turned out.

Sometimes I don’t know what to believe in- coincidences? God? Destiny? I’ll never know.

Like awhile back, I was totally broke- it was nearing the end of the month, but I hadn’t got my pay yet. I only had RM10 in my wallet and RM10 in my bank account. My car petrol tank was at ‘E’. I had no idea how I was going to survive the following week till I got my pay. That very night, I won Employee of the Month. RM100 in cash. That was a real life saver. I never felt more thankful that night.

Was it a coincidence? Was it God? Was it karma? I don’t know.

All these things happen all the time. Not only to me, but to other people as well. Near death experiences? People write books, come out best sellers and make a fortune. Some people aren’t that fortunate. What makes one person more deserving than another? I guess I’m happy to be alive.

Yet another offering of random messages saved on my phone..and something to do with Kiwanis

It’s that time of the year again! When my phone keeps reminding me that I’m low on memory (maybe it is time to get a new phone), and so I have to delete all these random messages I keep saved in my phone.

Why do bikers check their wheels while moving?? Not like its gonna fall out!

Seriously, I have been driving behind way too many bikers who pull off these stunts. I mean, what the fuck are they trying to achieve? If it was something so important, couldn’t they have stopped on the emergency lane to check their wheels? These bikers have come close to causing accidents numerous times, and this trend doesn’t seem to be dying out either. One day a biker is gonna check his wheels and fly headfirst into a lorry. Then he will learn his lesson.

I hate fucking spiderwebs. Why must they spin them in places where I walk through? Don’t they know they can’t possible trap me with their puny webs?

How many of you have walked face first into spiderwebs? How many of you have actually enjoyed it? Please raise your hands. No don’t raise your hands, I can’t see you, I haven’t installed a hidden cam in your room..yet.. And for the majority of you who didn’t raise your hands (yes, I don’t know how I know you didn’t raise your hands but I know you didn’t), you understand how I feel. The feeling of something you can’t see, touching your face is just.. disturbing. (No it’s nothing like the ass of a ghost on your face, but that’s a different story for another day) I was supposed to draw a picture to accompany this message, but I forgot what I was supposed to draw, and therefore I have no picture!

You know what the best part of a song is? The chorus. Why? Because it happens at least 3 times during one song, most of the time, so it has to be catchy or something people would like listening to. That’s why good choruses are so hard to write. It can save a song with shitty verses

Don’t think that needs any additional explanation. Besides the fact that choruses are really hard to write. Good ones anyway. And I don’t think I’ve written a good chorus before.

And to end this post, I would like to advertise something that the company I work for is doing (in case you didn’t know; Inspidea)- they are organizing a fund raising event to support Kiwanis (a foundation for kids with Down Syndrome). Since I have a readership of about a thousand hits a day (I’m just kidding, I barely hit 90 haha), I’m helping to promote and advertise this event. It’s going to be held sometime in September I think, I forgot the details, I will update more when I confirm them. In conjunction with the fund raising event (there will be games, music, activities for kids), we are also selling cool T-shirts. They go for RM30 a piece and if I’m not mistaken all proceeds will go towards charity (again, I’ll need to get my facts straight :P) but anyhow they are really well designed. In fact I got myself 2 of them. Here are some product shots of the shirts for sale:

Each one has an interesting science fact except for the last one which has the names of the people involved.

Do you know? Eating banana makes people happy

Do you know? 70% of your body weight is made of water

Do you know? Just like thumb print, all of us have different tongue prints

So if you guys are interested in purchasing these shirts for a good cause, let me know! Leave a comment, SMS, or send me and email/add me on msn:

I will post more updates about the shirts and upcoming events. Stay tuned!

The awesome present/date

I feel like my body has been rewired internally.
Without my consent.
For the past 50 hours I’ve been pissing out of my ass. Not literally. But I’ve been suffering from diarrhea and it is pretty severe.
Medication isn’t helping either. Neither is my avoidance of spicy/milky/oily foods.

I feel like this guy now:

Now that I’ve disgusted you enough, onto my blog post :p

Awesome presents make ‘okay’ dates great, and vice versa.

I remembered the first time I ever planned a ‘special date’ for Raelene. It sucked– really bad. I think I was late for that date, I was broke; we had to order cheap food in a nice restaurant. I totally missed on her present. I bought her a CD of one of her favorite bands (which apparently girls don’t rate high on their list of things to receive as presents from boyfriends -_-” ). That night was horrible.

Fast forward to a more recent ‘special date’ which I planned for her- home cooked food at my place. Prior to that date, I had never ever cooked food for her. I mentioned my dislike for cooking, and how I would never do it. I made her wait in the car while I went in the house ‘to get something’ when actually I was preparing the meal :p I put on some good music, rushed out, brought her in and surprised her. Man, was she happy. That day I didn’t give her a present. It didn’t matter, the day was awesome enough 🙂

Not too long ago was our 2nd year anniversary- I bought her an awesome present. Something she really liked- CK One Summer perfume. She was really happy about it. The date went pretty well- nothing fantastic of anything, but overall it was good because the present was a hit.

Now I don’t know what the point of this post is anymore– I just took a note from my handphone and expanded on it. Haha. I guess it kinda reminds me about a story I heard about what dentists used to do when they pulled your teeth out- they would drop a heavy rock on your foot and while you screamed in pain they would remove your tooth. The larger pain distracts you from the smaller pain.

So if you have a shitty date planned, remember that a great present can save the day! (and vice versa)

Chicken Rice Balls (and more stories from my handphone)

So I haven’t posted in awhile. I haven’t been too free. But all that has changed! Muawahahahaha

I spent last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at the office working my ass off (with my colleagues) to meet a deadline (we didn’t make it anyway lol). Reminded me of my final semester at Lim Kok Wing, where I wouldn’t sleep and just work all day and night. Eating like one meal a day, just working, working working..

Anyways..on to clearing out the saved messages on my handphone:

I don’t see what’s the point of chicken rice balls- they taste the same as normal chicken rice. You just have a harder time eating it. Someone decided they could make money by making balls out of rice and selling them at higher prices. Well I guess it worked!

Written when I was on a trip to Melaka awhile back..chicken rice balls FTL!

Cars should have a ‘go ahead’ light! You sometimes you encounter situations when you’re moving slowly and another car slows down for you, you don’t get it, but when you do and speed up, the other car speeds up and you can’t go anymore.. Sometimes they flash their lights, but you never know what they mean! Go? or don’t go!

Written when I was annoyed with cars.

Villains aren’t so cool anymore. I saw a snatch thief victim. Blood all on his hands. I felt pity for him.

Now I understand why people never glorify real villains.

My mom doesn’t like going back home before completing everything, its a waste of time i guess it rubbed off on me

A load of gibberish, but it basically means that nowadays, I don’t like going out of the house, coming back home and then going out again. If I’m going out, I want to get everything done before returning home. Something my mom does all the time. Last time whenever I came back home and went out again, she would scold me, ‘wah you think petrol so cheap ah?!’ so I guess I slowly conformed.

A mars a day helps you work, rest and play

I read if on the Mars chocolate bar wrapper.

Everytime someone jumps a red light, I like to shake my head in hopes that they would see me and feel guilty

Doesn’t everybody do that? They go ‘tsk tsk’ inside the car, when clearly the other person 10 meters away, behind at least 2 layers of glass can hear them. The things people do.

My cousin is twelve and I wear smaller shirts than him

Something is obviously wrong here.

Bringing sprouts to a cashier, express counter denies entry.

I always wondered if one day what if a cashier decides to play a prank and deny to serve a customer who brought a bag of sprouts to the express counter. ‘less than 10 items sir! that looks like a 100 beans!’

And to conclude, I shall leave you guys with a taste of an upcoming project :p
Click here
I’m not saying what it is.. yet 🙂

Sans-Capoeira/Shoe Shops/Plagiarism

Was gonna post a video of my colleagues doing a capoeira dance in the office, but for some reason it won’t transfer from my no video!

* * * * *

A while ago when I was at a shoe shop waiting for Raelene, I realized that its a pretty common sight to see a guy waiting for the girl he’s with at a shoe shop. Then I thought about what a conversation with one of them would be like.
“Shoe shopping again?”
“Yeah, you bet!”
“20 pairs of shoes since we got together..and it doesn’t look like she’s stopping anytime soon!”
“Only? My chick’s getting her 30th pair today!”
“I don’t understand them”
“Me neither.”
“Hey we should hang out”
“Err..sorry, I’m not that kind of guy..”
“No you don’t get what I mean!”
“Honey! Let’s leave!”

* * * * *

Another thing I’ve noticed online- the plagiarism of blog posts. I mean seriously, why do people do it?! It’s not like they’re being graded for what they write online! People go to your blog because they wanna know how you think/feel. They don’t really give a shit if you write really bad or not, if they did, they wouldn’t be coming to your blog in the first place. If they wanted to know how you were doing, they would read it, regardless how horrible you write. Blogging isn’t a fucking competition. If you want fame, start a porn site, way faster, and nobody’s gonna accuse you of being a copy cat. Cos if you steal from other blogs and try to pass them off as your own writing, people will eventually find out, and then you will be ruined.

To everyone who’s ever been plagiarized, my hat’s off to you for writing material worth stealing 🙂

More stories from the driver’s seat

I was listening to this piano instrumental by this Korean dude called Yurima on the way to work the other morning, and I felt like I was going to end up in a car crash! It was like the part in a movie just before a car collides- you see everything in slow motion, all the expressions on everybody’s faces, flashbacks, children crying. So tragic.

The song’s called ‘Kiss the rain’.

Speaking of car crashes and rain, I don’t understand why rain causes jams. People just drive a little slower, that shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like its that hard to see! Imagine if rain wasn’t colorless. Now that would be fucking annoying. Imagine if rain was blue, and it stuck to your windshield. Traffic jams? Understandable.

The other day as I was waiting for my turn at the toll booth, I thought of how funny it would be to give a RM50 note during rush hour. I thought it would make a pretty good dumbass stunt. Then the dude in front of me decided to read my mind and pull the stunt on me instead! If I was anybody else, I probably would’ve been pissed. But I was laughing to myself in the car.

* * * * *

The other day, as I was looking through my wallet for change to pay for the toll, the dude inside the booth said to me “Hey dude! are you listening to the new Circa Survive album? What do you think about it? You should check out this local band, they’re just like them! Hell, since we’re both Circa fans, I’ll let you pass for free!”(translated from Malay of course)

No of course that didn’t happen. But I was just thinking about the toll booth workers- do they listen to what you listen to when you wind your windows down? Do you think that when you play their favorite song, deep down inside, they actually want to sing along to it, but are afraid to do so? Do you think they get annoyed when you play your music too loud, and you’re taking your time to find your change? Do they want to tell you to turn that shit off?

I don’t know why, but toll booth people fascinate me. I must find the blog of a toll booth worker one day and read all about his/her life.

Maybe I’ll try working as one in the future. I’ll be blasting good music from my little booth. Be sure to pass through me then, I won’t report if you speed through the barrier or give me insufficient cash.

The other day, a cop who was driving next to me kept staring at me. All because I was scratching my head and driving. He must’ve thought I was talking on the phone. What a n00b. hahaha

Random messages saved on my phone

I need a helicopter

I probably wrote this when I was stuck in a traffic jam. Imagine if you had a helicopter, you’d take like 15 minutes to get to work each morning, you wouldn’t have any traffic jams to endure, no worries about finding parking spots (nobody else parks on the rooftops), and you look cool coming in to work. Helicopters- way to go!

I hate fucking cars with no brake lights

I wrote this after almost colliding with the car in front of me when I was driving on the highway and the car in front of me suddenly stopped. I didn’t notice till I was about a meter away from it. Go change your light bulbs assholes!

The random factor. When you shake someone’s hand, you never know what he was doing. Five minutes ago he could’ve been digging his asshole. Treat everyone like they’ve been digging their asses all day

I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking about this when I wrote it, but I assume it’s some half baked theory which I didn’t manage to complete. Be wary of the hands you shake!

I find it very ironic that I could bare my fucking heart and soul to the world through my blog, but if I were to do the same thing to my family instead, my tongue would probably malfunction

Is it just me? Or do most bloggers feel this way? There’s something about whining in text that makes it so much easier than whining to somebody else.

Head massages are awesome, next time when I’m rich..

I wrote this after I went for a haircut awhile ago. They washed my hair before they cut it, and the hair washer must’ve done a great job. Head massages are awesome. Next time when I’m rich, I’m gonna hire someone to wash my hair! haha.

Why don’t they give you straws when you drink..

Chinese tea or water? Seriously, they give you straws for every other drink you other at your local coffee shop, but you never get any straws when you order water or Chinese tea. What gives?!

People take cartoons for granted

Nobody can truly appreciate a cartoon till they know how much work is put into creating a single episode of a cartoon series. Let alone full-length feature cartoon movies. It is insane. Animators are like ants. And they both start with ‘A’!

(shitty artwork done in Paint because my tablet driver seems to be corrupted >:( )

Pet Brother.

A pet brother is a guy who gets himself stuck in the ‘friends zone’ after unsuccessfully hitting on a girl. Seeing as he has no more chance with her, he hangs on to the few last strands of hope and allows himself to be the next best thing (in his head)- a pet brother.

A ‘pet brother’ is above a ‘normal friend’ in terms of the friendship level. But there is a reason its called a ‘pet friendship’. Because while there might be genuine friendship going on, a pet will never be an equal with its master. Hence they are called pets. Being a pet brother to some girl doesn’t make her your pet sister- pets don’t have pets, pets have masters. In this case, mistresses.

A pet brother will tell his mistress that the guy she likes sucks. ‘Oh I’m so much better than him, what can he do that I can’t? You shouldn’t get together with him!’ and subtly hint to her that he should be the one.

He’ll get excited whenever they go out- to the girl it’s just some normal outing with a friend (pet) but to him, it’ll be the most magical evening they’ll ever spend, each one better than the last. Because in his mind its a date, but the truth is nobody else was free enough chauffeur her out that evening.

Oh yes, he’ll come all the way from the other side of town to pick her up. In his car will be a CD that he burnt- full of songs she loves (that he’s forced himself to love as well). He’ll memorize some lyrics so that they can sing along together. Just because.

He drives an automatic, but he still leaves his hand on the gear stick. He conveniently leaves his hand there. Because he’s secretly hoping. Just hoping, that she will place her hand over his, and grip his hand tightly while he drives. But he keeps it all inside, because he knows that if he says anything more, it would ruin this special ‘friendship’ they share.

All this while, the girl probably notices what’s going on (I heard that girls are pretty perceptive about these things) but she acts nonchalantly about it, because she doesn’t want to ruin this ‘mastery’ that she has over her pet. She’s already got someone else or someone else on her mind. And it is not him. But pet brother has a car and is willing to drive great distances and so she likes keeping him around.

Pet brothers realize this maybe a few years later, and kick themselves for being such tools. Sometimes they’ve become so domesticated, they can’t survive out in the wild, so they continue being pets (sometimes to other mistresses). Sometimes they learn, and move on. Even mastering techniques to make themselves masters, and girls their pets.

Being let go is a better fate than staying a pet for life. Most of the time, it’s worth taking the risk to reveal to your mistress your true intentions.