More stories from the driver’s seat

I was listening to this piano instrumental by this Korean dude called Yurima on the way to work the other morning, and I felt like I was going to end up in a car crash! It was like the part in a movie just before a car collides- you see everything in slow motion, all the expressions on everybody’s faces, flashbacks, children crying. So tragic.

The song’s called ‘Kiss the rain’.

Speaking of car crashes and rain, I don’t understand why rain causes jams. People just drive a little slower, that shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like its that hard to see! Imagine if rain wasn’t colorless. Now that would be fucking annoying. Imagine if rain was blue, and it stuck to your windshield. Traffic jams? Understandable.

The other day as I was waiting for my turn at the toll booth, I thought of how funny it would be to give a RM50 note during rush hour. I thought it would make a pretty good dumbass stunt. Then the dude in front of me decided to read my mind and pull the stunt on me instead! If I was anybody else, I probably would’ve been pissed. But I was laughing to myself in the car.

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The other day, as I was looking through my wallet for change to pay for the toll, the dude inside the booth said to me “Hey dude! are you listening to the new Circa Survive album? What do you think about it? You should check out this local band, they’re just like them! Hell, since we’re both Circa fans, I’ll let you pass for free!”(translated from Malay of course)

No of course that didn’t happen. But I was just thinking about the toll booth workers- do they listen to what you listen to when you wind your windows down? Do you think that when you play their favorite song, deep down inside, they actually want to sing along to it, but are afraid to do so? Do you think they get annoyed when you play your music too loud, and you’re taking your time to find your change? Do they want to tell you to turn that shit off?

I don’t know why, but toll booth people fascinate me. I must find the blog of a toll booth worker one day and read all about his/her life.

Maybe I’ll try working as one in the future. I’ll be blasting good music from my little booth. Be sure to pass through me then, I won’t report if you speed through the barrier or give me insufficient cash.

The other day, a cop who was driving next to me kept staring at me. All because I was scratching my head and driving. He must’ve thought I was talking on the phone. What a n00b. hahaha

Random messages saved on my phone

I need a helicopter

I probably wrote this when I was stuck in a traffic jam. Imagine if you had a helicopter, you’d take like 15 minutes to get to work each morning, you wouldn’t have any traffic jams to endure, no worries about finding parking spots (nobody else parks on the rooftops), and you look cool coming in to work. Helicopters- way to go!

I hate fucking cars with no brake lights

I wrote this after almost colliding with the car in front of me when I was driving on the highway and the car in front of me suddenly stopped. I didn’t notice till I was about a meter away from it. Go change your light bulbs assholes!

The random factor. When you shake someone’s hand, you never know what he was doing. Five minutes ago he could’ve been digging his asshole. Treat everyone like they’ve been digging their asses all day

I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking about this when I wrote it, but I assume it’s some half baked theory which I didn’t manage to complete. Be wary of the hands you shake!

I find it very ironic that I could bare my fucking heart and soul to the world through my blog, but if I were to do the same thing to my family instead, my tongue would probably malfunction

Is it just me? Or do most bloggers feel this way? There’s something about whining in text that makes it so much easier than whining to somebody else.

Head massages are awesome, next time when I’m rich..

I wrote this after I went for a haircut awhile ago. They washed my hair before they cut it, and the hair washer must’ve done a great job. Head massages are awesome. Next time when I’m rich, I’m gonna hire someone to wash my hair! haha.

Why don’t they give you straws when you drink..

Chinese tea or water? Seriously, they give you straws for every other drink you other at your local coffee shop, but you never get any straws when you order water or Chinese tea. What gives?!

People take cartoons for granted

Nobody can truly appreciate a cartoon till they know how much work is put into creating a single episode of a cartoon series. Let alone full-length feature cartoon movies. It is insane. Animators are like ants. And they both start with ‘A’!

(shitty artwork done in Paint because my tablet driver seems to be corrupted >:( )

Pet Brother.

A pet brother is a guy who gets himself stuck in the ‘friends zone’ after unsuccessfully hitting on a girl. Seeing as he has no more chance with her, he hangs on to the few last strands of hope and allows himself to be the next best thing (in his head)- a pet brother.

A ‘pet brother’ is above a ‘normal friend’ in terms of the friendship level. But there is a reason its called a ‘pet friendship’. Because while there might be genuine friendship going on, a pet will never be an equal with its master. Hence they are called pets. Being a pet brother to some girl doesn’t make her your pet sister- pets don’t have pets, pets have masters. In this case, mistresses.

A pet brother will tell his mistress that the guy she likes sucks. ‘Oh I’m so much better than him, what can he do that I can’t? You shouldn’t get together with him!’ and subtly hint to her that he should be the one.

He’ll get excited whenever they go out- to the girl it’s just some normal outing with a friend (pet) but to him, it’ll be the most magical evening they’ll ever spend, each one better than the last. Because in his mind its a date, but the truth is nobody else was free enough chauffeur her out that evening.

Oh yes, he’ll come all the way from the other side of town to pick her up. In his car will be a CD that he burnt- full of songs she loves (that he’s forced himself to love as well). He’ll memorize some lyrics so that they can sing along together. Just because.

He drives an automatic, but he still leaves his hand on the gear stick. He conveniently leaves his hand there. Because he’s secretly hoping. Just hoping, that she will place her hand over his, and grip his hand tightly while he drives. But he keeps it all inside, because he knows that if he says anything more, it would ruin this special ‘friendship’ they share.

All this while, the girl probably notices what’s going on (I heard that girls are pretty perceptive about these things) but she acts nonchalantly about it, because she doesn’t want to ruin this ‘mastery’ that she has over her pet. She’s already got someone else or someone else on her mind. And it is not him. But pet brother has a car and is willing to drive great distances and so she likes keeping him around.

Pet brothers realize this maybe a few years later, and kick themselves for being such tools. Sometimes they’ve become so domesticated, they can’t survive out in the wild, so they continue being pets (sometimes to other mistresses). Sometimes they learn, and move on. Even mastering techniques to make themselves masters, and girls their pets.

Being let go is a better fate than staying a pet for life. Most of the time, it’s worth taking the risk to reveal to your mistress your true intentions.

Stories from the driver’s seat

People question me whenever I tell them I like to drive slowly. ‘Why?’ they ask.
‘Why not?’

I have a few reasons for driving slowly. Firstly, I’ve seen enough accidents in my lifetime to know that I don’t want to get involved in any. I know serious accidents can happen even though I drive responsibly, there are always external factors to take into consideration (drunk drivers, bad weather, earthquakes, floods, fires and tornadoes, earth elementals suddenly breaking out of the ground in front of my car) so there’s no reason to go looking for more trouble.

Now you’re all gonna say ‘oh! you say that cos you suck at driving George! Everyone knows that slow drivers suck!’
Well I know shitty drivers speed too.

Another reason- I don’t need traffic summons for speeding. I don’t want to be faced with the dilemma of bribing a cop.

I drive slowly so that I can spend more time in the car listening to my favorite songs. What better way to enjoy music than to listen to it? Every time I drive my mom’s car (it has no CD player) I tend to drive faster because I seriously don’t enjoy radio. Maybe out of every 15 songs, I can enjoy 2 or 3 of them, and maybe even sing along.

The state of radio is horrible. The only decent channel would be light & easy, as old music can’t really annoy you. After being listening to my favorite music ever since I got my own mp3 player and then started driving with a CD player in my car, I doubt I could go back to waiting for my favorite song on radio- since they don’t play the songs I listen to, and I love the repeat function of the CD player way too much. Waaay too much to give it up for boring songs, time-wasting ads, and unnecessary DJs.

I like the fact how Akon talks about not taking drugs on radio. That’s like George Bush talking about not invading Iraq for oil- its bullshit! Akon probably shoots coke every other weekend when he’s not recording ‘community service’ messages for hitz.fm. And what about the other one about how his football team was gonna whoop our local teams asses? What’s wrong with not supporting our (bad) local teams anyway? (not that I support any football team in the first place– football is for pussies, go play basketball.. or WoW.. lol) and the other advert where that dude puts on a fake English accent is just as annoying. I can’t believe I actually listened to radio. Sometimes I’d rather listen to static, or the wind rushing by when I wind the car windows down.

Having a license a car to drive is a huge responsibility. We could easily run someone over or hit another car. We could drive on the wrong side of the road or drive off a cliff. We could drive into a wall. We could drive in into a school and run over little children. But we don’t do that. Because we are responsible people.

Whenever I pay the toll person, I make it a habit to say ‘thank you’ to the person in the booth. Sometimes I even say their name. Makes them smile, makes me smile. I wonder if toll booth collectors have blogs. Maybe they have an entry about a boy in a black car greeting them by their name. “Today I had the strangest customer! He said ‘Terima kasih Kareena to me!”

Our air sucks. Seriously.
I’ve been driving around with my windows down long enough to know our air is bad shit. Once I was driving behind a lorry, and the air smelt like sausages! But I usually drive early in the morning or late at night, so when I wind the windows down, it’s cool enough without me needing to turn on the air conditioning (cos I can’t stand it when its too cold). So for quite sometime I had been having this really bad flu/running nose/cold/cough/respiratory sickness, little did I know it was because of the air coming from outside the car. About a week ago, my car’s driver side window got stuck (it does this occasionally) so I stopped driving with my windows down. As the days went by, my sickness seemed to disappear, and right now I’m like 10000 times better than I was before. Its funny how misfortune (stuck window) changes into something good (I’m getting better). My window hasn’t been down since then (because its still stuck).

Testing God, an experiment

NOTE: before you click that X button on the top right corner of your browser, this isn’t an evangelizing/preaching/ post, read on (Seng Yip, and all you other people who don’t like reading ‘Christian’ posts :P)

As a Christian, one of the things that we’re not supposed to do is test God. We’re not supposed to go around inviting trouble, risking our lives, and doing things just to see if there will be any divine intervention or some sort of sign to God’s presence.

For the past few weeks I’ve been doing just that. Not to the extent of running across highways and expecting not to get hit by a car (that’s for Win Yew to do), but I’ve been varying the amount of money that I’ve been putting in the offering bag.

Now you’re gonna say “what?!”. Well, it’s been awhile, but there was one point where the pastors would just talk for months about giving money to church. They say that the more you give, the more blessings you will receive. I’m too lazy to search my bible for the quote about it..something about if you give something, you will get it back tenfold. So the pastors were all saying that giving money to church will improve your life.

After the countless sermons about giving, I got curious and wondered how much difference I would make if I gave different amounts of cash each week.

At the end of each week, I made some notes of how the week went, and after 5 weeks, I have come to a conclusion, but I’ll come to that later (conclusions usually come at the end)

Continue reading “Testing God, an experiment”